Endlessly
by heidipoo
Summary: One night can certainly change everything. Vanoss became a complete stranger to Delirious the moment he opened those beautiful blue eyes... And suddenly, they lost what mattered the most. Now they must fall in love all over again, one day at a time.
1. Somewhere Across Forever

**Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm back with more H2OVanoss trash, and possibly the most cliché plots in the history of cliché plots. Anyway, this story will probably be the same length as Sparks Will Fly, if not longer, and I hope ye all enjoy! Feel free to follow me on tumblr at heidipoo-xox, and send in any requests/questions/concerns you may have with any of this. Please keep in mind though that I work and am in college though. Anyway, thanks for reading!**

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It was late in North Carolina, stars out and the air smelling of fresh rain; a typical summer night for the month of August in the bipolar state. And Evan and Jonathan were driving home from a very long day. The winding roads twisted and turned at every crease and crevice, as they headed out of the city, and back to their home they shared together. They had spent the hot and humid day at a tailor in town, getting their tuxedos fitted just right for the upcoming wedding. Sure, it was still two months away, but both Evan and Jonathan wanted to have everything ready in advance. They liked being over prepared for things, especially something as important as this thing.

And once they were all done at the tailor's, they had gotten dinner at a small café that both of them just absolutely adored. They ate there often, the two of them enjoying the small desserts they had. It was a day well spent, and they were one step closer to finally spending their forevers together. Planning everything was definitely the hard part, especially when they never ever agreed on similar things. Often times, they both submitted, letting the other choose what they wanted. After all, in the end, all that mattered was that they were happy, and they were bound together. However, this only made choosing things about a hundred times harder than what they already were.

Jonathan played with the radio as Evan drove, finding nothing but static and late night advertisements. Of course there would be no good music on, and he rolled his eyes at the thought. His baby blue orbs then got a glimpse of the small engagement band that adorned his ring finger, and a smile pulled at his lips. It wasn't much, but it was enough, and Evan knew that he liked the simple things. Plus, they had promised each other to buy different ones after they had been married. His eyes then traveled to Evan's hands that rested on top of the steering wheel of the car, and saw his engagement ring as well. It was no doubt they wore them proudly, matching and all, and the older man couldn't help but to remember the day that Evan had proposed to him. It was still vivid in his memory.

It had been their one year anniversary, and just three months after Evan had moved down to North Carolina to live with his boyfriend. Long distance was a pain, but they had managed to make it work somehow with texts, phone calls, and video chats. Hell, Jonathan even flew to visit the younger man every month or so despite his fear of heights and flying. They both put equal effort into the relationship, and that was why it had worked for so long. Even before they dated, that communication was always there; and despite all the teasing they had received from the other guys, they managed to make it work. And they were happy with one another.

First with their friendship, then with their relationship as they both grew the courage to ask each other out, and even still to this day, after they had managed to agree to live together and get married, communication was key and on point. Evan had taken him to the zoo on that particular day, and it was their one year anniversary, so they were spending the day together anyway, but Jonathan hadn't been expecting the proposal in even the slightest. To say it surprised him was definitely an understatement. After a long day at the zoo, and even getting sunburnt, they had a picnic under the stars, and that's when Evan had popped the inevitable question.

Delirious was sure that he had never cried harder in his life at that moment. He remembered the tears so clearly, and he remembered that Evan had cried too before he had said yes. That was almost four months ago, and the date of the wedding was nearing closer with each day that had passed. Both of them were really excited, and just couldn't wait to be fully committed to one another. At first, Jonathan had to make sure that this was really what Evan wanted, after all, he was still young. Did he really want to get married at the age of twenty three? But he had convinced Jonathan time and time again that this was really it for him, he was everything, and now, here they were. Driving to their cute little blue house they lived in, and just enjoying the fact that they were with each other.

Jonathan finally grew frustrated and gave up on the radio static, "There's nothing good on..." He trailed off through a yawn.

Vanoss grinned, and looked over at his fiancé for a brief moment before turning his attention back to the road. "You sleepy?" He inquired through his smirk. His dark eyes looked over at Jonathan again, and a part of him wondered just how he ended up this lucky. How did he managed to find somebody as good as H2O Delirious? He was literally everything good in life and more, and he couldn't believe in just a few short months, they would be married; bound together in holy matrimony, and that mere thought made him giddy. Evan hadn't really ever depicted himself as a guy for commitment either, but since he couldn't wait to marry Jonathan, he assumed that he was. Something about a domesticated life with Jonathan beckoned to him.

"A little," Delirious answered as he laid his hand down on the armrest between them, waiting for the younger man to grab it. And he did just that, reaching down with one of his hands and intertwined their fingers together in a vice grip that was so familiar to them. They liked to hold hands while they were driving or riding around together in the car, it was something they did often, and could rarely go without doing it. The flesh against flesh just felt so good, and that's why they did it. It was calming, relaxing, and both of them enjoyed it. It was something of a routine for them.

"Don't worry, we're almost home." Evan smiled, before squeezing Jon's hand gently. They were quiet after that, just enjoying the simple night breeze that blew through the rolled down windows in their car. It had rained a bit, but just a few sprinkles of raindrops, nothing to spoil their day though. They only had a few more minutes of driving before they'd be pulling into their small driveway of the home they owned together, and then they could crawl into bed together where they loved to be.

Another yawn escaped Jonathan's lips as he hummed to himself sleepily. He was about to say something to Evan about the wedding that had slipped his mind earlier, but when he turned his head to look at his fiancé in the driver's seat he was blinded by oncoming headlights turned to the brightest setting. He inhaled a quick breath before yelling, "Evan! Watch out!"

After that moment, it was all a blur. Screeching tires could be heard, the sound of metal crunching and bending filled the air as the near head on collision between two vehicles took place. It was literally out of nowhere, unexpected, and Evan and Jon were both lucky enough to be wearing the seatbelts when the crash had occurred. It was like they blinked, and boom, the car was mangled. The smell of blood infiltrated the younger man's nostrils in a quick moment, and he struggled to open his dark eyes. He noticed he couldn't move either, the steering wheel of the car lodged against his sternum, but his hand was still intertwined with Jonathan's. And that's where he didn't want to look, because most of the blood was in fact, coming from him. "Jon?" Evan barely managed to get out. His voice was hoarse from screaming.

But he got no answer from his fiancé, because the older man appeared to be unconscious. That's when the panic set in; his heart sped up, his face felt hot, and this couldn't be happening. Not here, not now, not when everything was so close to being perfect. He couldn't lose Jonathan, not like this, not to a fucking car accident! This wasn't how things were supposed to be. He tried squeezing his hand tighter to see if that would wake him up, but it was to no avail. And that's when something caught Evan's eye. It was a huge open gash on Jonathan's head, and blood oozed from it, causing him to cringe. It was no secret that he was badly hurt. He tried screaming his name, hollering for him to wake up, but nothing worked.

Sirens could be heard wailing in the background, and Evan knew deep down in his heart of hearts, the two of them might not make it out of this together. He remembered the murmur and shuffle of the police, of the medics, and them trying to get he and Jonathan out of the smashed car. He felt numb, if he were being honest with himself, and the last thing he could recollect was being put into the back of the ambulance beside Jonathan and watching as they taped him up with oxygen masks and other things. He tried to drown out their conversation, but he could make out distinct words like drunk drivers, head trauma, and concussion, and that's when he blacked out himself, hoping, wishing, and praying that everything would be okay.

* * *

 **Author's Note: To be continued...?**


	2. He Has To Be Okay

The strong smell of antiseptic burned Evan's nostrils when he came to from whatever state of comatose he was in. It was cold, and the bright fluorescent lights nearly blinded him even with his eyes shut. He knew right then and there he was in the hospital, but just how long had he been there? The shades and blinds were drawn shut in his room, so he couldn't tell if it was day or night outside, and some corny sitcom played on the tiny television in the corner of the too white room. He looked around, taking everything in, and suddenly, he remembered what had brought him here in an instant. _The car accident._ That's why he was here in this hospital bed, taped up with IV tubes sticking out of his arms and looking like a human pin cushion.

But where was Jonathan? As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Evan went into full panic mode. His heartbeat was erratic, making the monitor beep wildly with each pulse. The last thing he remembered was Jonathan's head being gashed open, and there was so much blood... Immediately, he reached for the call button beside his bed and pressed it too many times, hoping a nurse would come soon enough. He had to see his fiancé, and he had to be okay. If anything had happened to him because of something he did, Evan didn't know if he'd be able to forgive himself. All the worries began filtering through his head, and he knew he was going to work himself into a panic attack if he didn't try to calm himself down.

He tried taking a few deep breaths, and that's when a young looking nurse came walking into the room with a clipboard in hand. She eyed Evan carefully, and her eyes widened when she realized he was up. "Oh! I'll let the doctor know you're awake." She exclaimed, before walking back out of the room. Vanoss cursed under his breath, wondering why she didn't ask if he needed anything and what not. Whatever, hopefully the doctor would be able to answer any questions that he had, and would be able to give him information on where Delirious was at the moment, and if he was okay. He needed to know what happened, needed to know the full story from somebody who actually knew it.

So he looked around some more, while waiting for the doctor, and noticed that his phone and all his other personal belongings he had that night were beside him on a table. He noticed the notification light on his phone was blinking furiously, so just how long had he been out of it? Evan had no inner sense of how much time had passed, and that's when the doctor walked in, pulling him out of his thoughts. "Nice to see you're finally up, Evan." The doctor greeted, looking over the chart he had in his hands. "Everything looks good, you were out for a few days, mild concussion, but you are recovering nicely." He finished, looking up at the asian man who continued to stare off at the him.

"What happened?" Evan inquired, brows furrowing in confusion.

"Your car was hit by a drunk driver, lucky for you though, you came out with only a few scrapes and bruises." The doctor answered.

"And my fiancé?" Evan continued to question, knowing that nothing else mattered but Jonathan right now. He didn't care about anything in the world but Jonathan. "The person who was in the car with me?" He added, a sigh of annoyance coming out afterwards. He just wanted to know what the fuck happened and if the person he cared most about was okay.

"He hasn't woken up yet, I'm afraid." The doctor answered, a small frown forming on his features, and Evan could feel the blood draining his face immediately. If he wasn't awake yet, then what was wrong with him? His dark eyes grew blurry with tears as he continued to listen to what the doctor was saying. "We were trying to contact somebody, any family member, or any relative that could come look after him... But so far, we haven't found anybody." He finished, giving Evan another sad look. And Vanoss knew that looking for relatives and family only meant that things were not looking good. Something awful must have happened to Delirious, and he desperately didn't want it to be severe.

"I'm _all_ he has." Evan said simply. "And he's all I have. I mean, we've got a few other friends, but they're not exactly from around this area." He continued.

"Then you should know that Jonathan has suffered some very bad head injuries, which is why he hasn't woken up yet." The doctor informed. "And we don't really know much else, and we won't be able to know more until he wakes up." Evan could feel his pulse in his ears, it deafened him and he couldn't listen to the doctors words anymore. He didn't want to hear it. All he wanted was for Jonathan to be okay, he wanted them to be able to pick up where they left off with planning the wedding and what not. That drunk driver had ruined almost everything. "He's alive, has brain activity, but that's all I can tell you for now." The doctor finished when Evan decided to start listening again.

Evan sighed, and tried not to let his tears fall, "Can I see him?"

"Of course." The doctor said. After that, Evan was discharged from his hospital stay. He was all cleared to go home considering he only had a few cuts and bruises on him. He had come out of the accident perfectly fine, so he showered, got a change of clothes, and braced himself for the worse as he stood outside of the hospital room that Jonathan was in. He took a few deep breaths, wanting to be fully prepared for what he might see. And when he thought he was ready, he turned the handle on the door, and quietly stepped inside. What he saw, however, managed to break his already frail heart.

The room smelled even more of antiseptic if that were even possible, the strong scent burned the younger man's nostrils as he stepped inside and closed the door behind him. The beeping of the heart rate monitor filled his ears, and his eyes were locked on Delirious. Evan couldn't help but to stare with wide eyes as he continued making his way closer to his fiancé. It was him, but it didn't look like him in the slightest. His skin was too pale, and wasn't flushed with life like it normally was. He had too many tubes and wires sticking out of him, connecting to different things. And the bandages around his head are what really worried Evan. Had he been injured that bad? He didn't want to look, but at the same time, he couldn't make himself look away. Now that he saw how just how bad Jonathan really looked, all of this nightmare had become a reality.

He left the room quickly, and stood outside in the hallway trying to recollect his thoughts. He used his phone as a distraction, and that's when he saw all of the missed calls and messages and voicemails. Almost all of them were from his friends, wondering just where the hell he and Jonathan had been for the past few days. The first person Vanoss decided to call though was Cartoonz, only because he was the only other family that Jonathan had, and he was the closest. Evan put the phone to his ear and listened to the dial tone, waiting for Luke to pick up, and a sigh of relief left him when he did. "Hello?" Luke answered.

"Luke," Evan breathed, "It's Evan."

"Holy shit, are you alright? What happened?" He questioned. "Me and the guys have been worried about you and Jon."

"We got in a car accident..." Evan answered. "It's just such a long story, but it's bad... Jonathan is hurt."

"I'm on my way, don't worry." Luke replied, "But you should text the guys and let them know what's up so they're not worried."

"Okay, see you later." The younger man finished before hanging up the phone.

He took another deep breath as he leaned up against the wall beside Jonathan's room door. He wanted to cry, oh he so desperately wanted to let the tears fall, but he knew he had to be strong. Not just for himself, but for Jonathan too. He couldn't show weakness, he couldn't show fear, so he managed to fix his face, and send a group text to the guys explaining everything that had happened these past few days. He didn't leave out any detail either, because as Delirious' closest friends, they needed to know everything. _Keep us updated, okay man?_ That's what Wildcat had said. But they were all empathetic nonetheless. Hell, Marcel had asked if he wanted any of them to fly down. Evan decided though that it would be best to wait until Jonathan woke up though before they decided on what to do, if they were going to do anything at all about it.

When Luke arrived later, Evan was short of a mental breakdown. He was trying so hard to keep himself together. He didn't want to appear crazy at the hospital in front of everybody. Jonathan had yet to wake up, and the doctors still had nothing new about him. His anxiety only continued to eat away at him. "So what's wrong with him?" Luke questioned as he and Evan sat outside in the small waiting area of the hospital.

"Head injuries, I guess." Vanoss replied. "Doctors won't know anything else until he wakes up... If he even wakes up."

"Hey, don't think like that." Cartoonz chided. "Jon's a tough son of a bitch, he'll be alright."


	3. The Waiting Game

Evan didn't know how long he sat there in that waiting room with Cartoonz by his side. It felt like he was staring at the too white walls for an eternity now. He had already memorized the cobwebs in the corner, and the spots on the floor that needed cleaned, and his mind was blank. It was as if he forgot how to think while he waited for his brain to process all of this. He didn't know whether to be upset of afraid; Evan was completely void of emotion, and Cartoonz only kept giving him small apologetic looks every now and again. It didn't help anything in any single way though. Time passed by too slowly for his liking, and he didn't know what to do with himself.

"Are you alright, man?" Luke broke the silence between them as he turned his head and looked at the younger man.

A sigh escaped Evan's lips as he paused to listen to the hustle and bustle of the hospital. "I uh, I don't know." He answered completely honestly. Vanoss didn't know what to tell Luke right now. Hell, he didn't know if he was alright, and he didn't know if he was _going_ to be alright; he didn't know a damn thing. "I just keep thinking, you know, that somehow, this is my fault... I was driving the car." He trailed off, putting his head in his hands. It was pounding, and it probably didn't help that he was a in a concussion a few days ago.

"It's not your fault." Luke replied. "You're not that drunk driver."

"I know... It's just... Fuck." He sighed, shaking his head.

Cartoonz stood up and pat Evan on the back, "Look, I'm gonna go get Jon some clean clothes and stuff for when he wakes up. Do you need anything?" He questioned as he looked down at the younger man. He knew Evan wouldn't want to leave, which was why he was offering to run and get things. When the younger man didn't answer, Luke took that as his signal to leave. And he hoped that Jonathan wouldn't wake up while he was away.

Evan stared at the engagement band on his finger, and right now, it weighed about a million pounds. He wondered if Jonathan still had his on at the moment, or if the doctors took it off of him. This whole ordeal still seemed way too unreal at the moment. How could they be ripped out of their happiness in just a matter of seconds? It was unfair, too cruel, and now Evan just wanted his fiancé right here with him, telling him they were going to be alright. When Vanoss saw the doctor again, he stopped him, "Anything?" He inquired with a hopeful heart.

The doctor shook his head sadly, "I'm afraid not, sorry."

And it was and always would be a waiting game. Would Jonathan ever wake up? Or would he forever be in this state of comatose? Would Evan ever be able to see his beautiful blue eyes again? Would he ever be able to hear that goofy laugh? Would he ever get to call the man his husband? All these questions lingered in the back of his head and only made it hurt a hundred times worse. Each minute passed by painfully slowly, the ticking of the clock driving him more and more insane with each second that passed, each stroke of the hand. Vanoss tried wasting time on his phone, on twitter, trying to catch up... But he noticed that he hadn't missed much since he'd been out, just the guys being goofy on twitter with each other.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, and there was still not a single word from Jonathan. Evan was beginning to doze off when Luke had finally returned with some food and clothes. "I miss anything?" He questioned a sleepy Evan as he sat down beside him in the waiting area once more. The younger man merely shook his head, not feeling like talking at the moment. "Here," Luke said, handing him a cheeseburger, "Eat something, you'll feel better." He offered.

"Thanks." Evan replied, taking small bites. His eyes wandered down the hallway to where Jonathan rested in his room, and he fought hard to blink back tears. He then turned to look back at Cartoonz. "I'm going to try and get some sleep, wake me up if anything happens, alright?" He said, and Luke nodded as he ate his cheeseburger. With a sigh, Evan laid his head down on the table, and closed his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately. He hoped and prayed that when he woke up, Jonathan would be awake too.

However, he felt as if though he hadn't been asleep for long, when Cartoonz was shaking him awake. "Evan," Luke whispered frantically.

"Hm?"

"He's up, the doctor's looking at him now." He replied. Evan's head shot up from the table immediately, and he stood up almost instantly. He could already feel his heartbeat speeding up as he followed Luke down the hallway and to the room that belonged to Jonathan at the moment. They were finally going to get to see him, see him awake and okay. They stood outside the door, and Luke turned to look at Evan, "You alright?" He inquired, and Evan merely nodded. He wasn't alright per se, but he was nervous, and anxious to see what lie behind that door, and if his fiancé was okay.

The doctor emerged, and shut the door behind him. "He's going to be a bit groggy when he wakes up, so try to give him some space. But you can see him, follow me." He opened the door back up and walked inside with Evan and Luke trailing behind him. Evan noticed that the bandages around Jonathan's head had been removed, as well as most of the tubes and wires. The stitching on his head was prominent, and Evan knew it would leave a nasty scar. The three of them stood at the edge of Jon's bed and watched as his eyes finally fluttered open, and he looked around in confusion. "Jonathan," The doctor spoke first. "You were in a car accident, hurt your head, but you're okay. How do you feel?" He inquired.

"My head really hurts." Jonathan answered, his voice hoarse and scratchy from not talking for a while. He looked around, taking in his surroundings, the bright lights nearly blinding him. He knew Cartoonz, he knew the doctor was the doctor from what he was wearing, but the third person in the room, he didn't recognize. Who was this mysterious young asian man looking down at him like he was a fine piece of art? He looked as though he was afraid to speak, afraid to say anything, and Jon just wanted to know who he was.

"Hell, that's normal, right?" Luke asked, looking over at the doctor.

"Are you alright, Luke?" Jonathan inquired, his eyebrows knitting together.

"I'm fine." Luke replied, "I wasn't in the accident."

"Who was?" Delirious questioned, and finally he looked over at Evan, his blue eyes seemed even more blue if that were possible. The room fell silent, and Luke, Evan, nor the doctor knew what to say. "You? You were in the accident with me?" Jon inquired, making eye contact with Evan. " _Who are you_?" He begged to know. And in that moment, Evan could feel his heart breaking and sinking down to the bottom of his being. Did his own fiancé not remember who he was? He didn't know what to say, and his face visibly fell as he struggled to find words. Hell. that wasn't even his fiancé, that was a stranger looking at him. Clear blue eyes full of confusion and disarray.

"Jon, that's Evan, your fiancé." Luke answered.

"My _what?"_ Jonathan asked incredulously. "I'm engaged?"

Vanoss struggled to swallow the lump in his throat, "Our wedding's in two months." He managed to get out as he blinked back tears.

The doctor looked down at his clipboard and back up to Evan, "Memory loss is perfectly common with someone who has experienced head trauma..." He trailed off. "Jonathan is going through a bit of that. His memory may come back with time though." He then looked back over to Jonathan who was now fumbling with the engagement ring on his left hand. "Jonathan, what do you remember?" The doctor inquired so he could jot down some notes and other things about Jonathan on his clipboard.

"Starting a youtube channel? I think?" He answered.

"Holy shit..." Cartoonz trailed off, looking over at Evan. "If he doesn't remember you, he doesn't remember the rest of the guys either."

"We'll need to run some more tests so we can monitor Jonathan's condition." The doctor said, "I'll let you know more when we find out more." He spoke to Evan and Luke, and that's when Evan stormed out of the room, and walked as fast as he could until he was as far away from Jonathan's room as possible. How could this be happening? Especially to them? First the drunk driver, now his own fiancé couldn't even remember who the hell he was? He struggled to breathe as he sunk down to his knees up against the wall, and finally, he let the tears fall.


	4. Don't Be Afraid To Ask

"What the fuck, Luke!?" Delirious nearly yelled when the doctor left the room for the umpteenth time that day.

"What?" The man replied, "Don't yell at me."

A scoff escaped him, "I'm engaged!?" Jonathan couldn't help but to let his eyes roam to the engagement band once more. His head hurt like a bitch, and his thoughts were swimming a mile a minute; it was all too much to take in at the moment. The car accident, him being in a comatose state for a few days, and now him waking up and having years of his life just erased. He was engaged, he had established a secure and domestic life with someone, and now he couldn't even recollect any of it. Just what else had he missed? What else could he not remember? It was all a blur as he laid there in that hospital bed trying his damnedest to remember.

Luke chuckled as he looked down at Jon, " _You love that man more than you love yourself_."

Jonathan's eyebrows rose on his forehead, "I do?" He inquired, and Luke merely nodded. "Tell me everything."

"I think you should let Evan do that."

Delirious shook his head, "But he's a complete stranger, I know nothing about him... What he likes... Fuck, I barely even know his name!" His baby blue eyes filled with tears and he blinked them back, not wanting to cry. This was so frustrating, and he hated it. It felt like there was a black hole in his mind, and everything was being sucked into it. His heartbeat began to speed up, and he took a deep breath to try and get himself to calm down. Why couldn't he remember? And why did it hurt so damn hard when he couldn't?

"It'll be alright Jon." Luke consoled, "We'll figure everything out, just don't work yourself up."

Jonathan nodded, "Yeah... Yeah, you're right. We'll just let the doctor do his thing, and then I'll go home..." He trailed off. And then what? Would he continue to live a normal life? Would he live with the stranger? Thinking about all of these things was about to send him straight into a panic attack. So he tried not to focus on that, instead, Delirious focused on the fact that he was alive, he was breathing, and he was okay despite the memory loss. Maybe his memory would come back in the end? At least that's what he had hoped for anyway. "Could you go get _him_ for me?" Jonathan inquired, glancing up at Luke again.

Luke nodded, and took off down the hallway in search for Vanoss. He knew he couldn't have gone far, but still, it was a pain to go looking for him. When he got little ways down the hallway, he saw him, standing beside the vending machines attempting to calm himself down. He was pacing back and forth, hand on his forehead looking distressed. "Evan," Luke stated when he approached the younger man. "You've gotta calm down." He empathized as the younger man finally made eye contact with him. "Jon's freaking the fuck out, we have to be strong for him, alright?" He continued.

Evan's head shot up, and his dark eyes were bloodshot from crying so much, "He _remembers_ you, Luke... I'm just some fucking guy!"

"Look," Cartoonz sighed. "For better or for worse, in sickness and health, rich or poor, and all that other dumb bullshit. You were going to marry him, so what, you're just going to give up because of a little accident? Delirious fucking loved you, he still fucking loves you, it'll just take some time for him to realize it again." The older man lectured. "It's going to be alright Evan," He finished, hoping that this little pep talk or whatever the hell it was would help Vanoss in some way. Of course, it was probably traumatizing for the both of them, but still, they couldn't give up. "He wants to talk to you." He added, hoping that this would make them feel better.

"He does?"

"Yeah, I'll let y'all be alone for a little bit." Luke replied. Evan nodded and began walking back down the hallway to Jonathan's room. This was going to require a lot of patience, a lot of compassion, and it would probably be a rocky road, but he was ready. At least, he thought he was in some slight way. The asian man was trying to mentally prepare himself for all of this. Would Jonathan even want to come home with him when he got released from the hospital? That was only one of the questions floating around in Evan's head as he tried to process all of this nonsense. He made it a mental note to just attempt to go through one day at a time so he wouldn't overwhelm himself.

He stopped when he got to Jonathan's room, and knocked on the door before opening it, "You wanted to talk?"

Jonathan nodded, "Come in and sit down."

Evan obliged, and walked into the hospital room closing the door behind him. He made his way over to the chair beside Jon's bed and took a seat. "Um, I just want to say I'm sorry for storming out earlier. That's not really what you need right now. I promise I'll try to keep a level head from now on." He apologized as he turned to look at Jonathan. He was struck by his blue eyes, really enticed with just how _blue_ they really were. It was as if wiping his memory had somehow made them clearer, more potent. "And I know it's probably really fucking hard to be sitting here and talking to me when you have no idea who the hell I am, so if you have any questions just, you know, ask me." He was rambling and it felt awkward.

"Don't worry." Delirious replied, "I will." And it wasn't supposed to feel awkward, but how in the world would they be able to become reacquainted with each so easily again? This time, it wouldn't be through texts and computer screens and video games, it would be in real life, and that thought also terrified Evan. He would have the chance for Jonathan to fall in love with him all over again, but what if he didn't? That thought lingered in his mind as well, and it always would be there until it finally washed away all the doubt he had in his mind. "It's Evan, right?" Jonathan inquired, pulling out of his never ending thoughts and the younger man nodded. "How long have we known each other?" He asked once more.

"Almost four years." Evan answered in a heartbeat.

"And how did we meet?" He continued to ask.

"Youtube." The younger man said. "You watched my call of duty videos, and messaged me one day asking if we could play some games together. We became really good friends after that, and we didn't actually meet in real life until much later. I flew down to see you, and when I saw you for the first time, I knew right there that I was done for. That's when I finally grew the balls to ask you out, and I was so fucking happy when you said yes." He explained, not being able to make eye contact with his lover. "And it wasn't long after that until we moved in with each other, and I proposed." He finished his explanation and in retrospect, he felt sad sitting here having to explain the whole aspect of their long lost relationship. It shouldn't have to be this way, the accident should have never happened, and _this_ should not have to be done.

"Where are you from?"

"Canada." Vanoss replied.

Delirious chuckled, "And you came all the way down here for me? Shit..."

Evan could feel a smile pulling at his lips, "I loved you... I still love you."

"I know." Jonathan said, "And it's fucking weird... Hearing that come out of your mouth because it's like we're meeting for the first time all over again." The younger man sighed as he studied Delirious for what felt like the umpteenth time that day. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the scar that adorned his forehead, couldn't look away from the IVs strung in his arm, and just how tired and upset he looked. He needed rest, that was apparent. "I hope I get to go home soon." Jonathan spilled out, interrupting Evan's thoughts once more.

"With me?" Evan inquired.

"That's where I live, isn't it?" Jonathan replied, and Evan nodded. "Then that's where I'll be." Jon answered and let a smile pull at the corners of his plump lips. He was about to open his mouth to speak once more, when the doctor walked in, interrupting the two. "What's up?" Jonathan asked as he turned to look at his doctor. He was hoping, praying for good news or something along those lines to brighten his day. "Do I get to go home?" He continued to question.

The doctor shook his head, "Not today I'm afraid... But I do have good news." He revealed. "Your condition can't worsen, and your head trauma seems to be improving as the day continues to go on." He looked down at his clipboard, "And it looks like with time your memory _may_ come back. Just go back to living your normal life, and we may see some improvements." The doctor finished, giving a small smile to Jonathan and Evan. And that was some good news, that was just what they needed, and Jon couldn't wait to tell Luke. "You should be able to head home tomorrow, Jonathan." He said before leaving the room for the final time that night.

"Thank fucking god." Delirious muttered as he laid his head back, before turning over to look the stranger whom he was engaged to. "Will you do me a favor?"

"Anything."

"I'm a little hungry." He admitted sheepishly.

"Want to go eat?" Evan offered.

"Please?"


	5. Pepperoni Pizza and Anxiety

Jonathan frowned as he studied his reflection in the cheap mirror. The hospital bathroom was unbearably small, and smelled of bleach and too many cleaning products. It burned his nose, but that wasn't what bothered him. What bothered him was the long, stitched up scar that adorned his forehead and the side of his face. Crimson red in color, and it hurt like nothing he had ever felt before. Even when it did eventually heal up, it would still be so visible, and it would always be there. It would be a constant reminder of something he couldn't even remember. The irony enthralled him to say the least.

He ran his nimble fingers over it gently, hissing at the slight pain it caused. _It was just a scar._ Delirious had to keep repeating that to himself in his head. But it wasn't just a scar; it was a symbol of everything he and Evan had lost, a symbol of losing part of his life. He hated it. And now every time he looked at himself in the mirror, or somebody saw him, they would see the scar. His short dark hair looked a mess from where it hadn't been groomed in the past few days, and he merely shook his head at his appearance. For someone who had been laid up in the hospital for about a week, he damn sure looked the part.

A knock on the door startled him, and he jumped if only slightly, "You alright Jonathan?" It was Evan's voice who reached him through the door, and somehow, it comforted him knowing that he wasn't alone. "Do you need some help?" The younger man continued to question, and Jonathan let a small smile slip at his lips. Evan was so worried, so concerned, and that thought warmed Jon's heart.

"I'm okay," Jonathan called back as he continued getting dressed in the tiny bathroom. Cartoonz had managed to bring him some clean clothes so he didn't have to wear the hospital gown out in public. It was merely a simple pair of jeans, and a t-shirt, accompanied with some fresh socks and undies. It felt nice putting on clean clothes though. The older man pulled his jeans to his hips, and buttoned them, and then slid the shirt over his head. _This must have been Evan's shirt._ Jonathan concluded, because it smelled just like his fiancé as he inhaled the scent of lavender laundry detergent. Did they use that one at home together? That was another comforting aspect.

A part of him was nervous, nervous because he would be with Evan, nervous because he'd be leaving the hospital for a bit, and nervous because he didn't feel right. It was as if his brain had been rewired, and he was confused about everything now. The doctor said, however, all those things were normal unfortunately. Once Delirious was satisfied with himself, he slipped on his sneakers and exited the tiny bathroom. "All ready?" Vanoss greeted him.

Jon nodded, "I think so." He answered. "Do I look dumb?" It escaped his lips before he even realized it.

Evan shook his head, "Why?"

The older man shrugged, "I just feel weird... I don't know."

"I'm sure that's normal."

They began walking down the hospital hallway, Jonathan trailing just slightly behind his fiancé. He still felt strange, but who wouldn't in a situation like this? Every time he looked at Evan, he felt bad because he knew he should feel _something_ for the asian man, but he didn't. Maybe it would improve after he got to go home? He sure hoped so, because he desperately wanted his life to get back to normal as quick as possible. "Is Luke coming?" Jonathan interrupted the silence as they continued walking to the exit. He hadn't seen his friend since he'd went to get Vanoss earlier.

Evan shook his head, "Said he was going to go home and get some sleep, but he'll be back tomorrow."

"Oh..." Jon trailed off.

"So it's just me and you." Evan said, looking back at his fiancé and giving a small smile. "I hope that's alright with you." He continued a little hastily, hoping that Delirious felt comfortable enough to be alone with him. It was make or break really, and that's why he was being so careful and considerate into what he was saying to Jonathan. After all, he didn't want to overwhelm him with too many thoughts or information. Hell, this was only the first day, he still had plenty of time to relearn stuff and actually retain it. But for now, all Evan wanted to do was make sure he was comfortable, and not confused or in any pain.

"That's how it normally is, isn't it?" Jonathan asked. "Just me and you?"

Evan nodded, "Yeah, our other friends come and visit though, sometimes."

"I met them on youtube too?" Delirious questioned as they finally made it outside. Evan nodded, and Jonathan left it alone at that. He was starting to get a headache, so he just watched quietly as Evan called a cab for them to go get some much needed food. As if on cue, his stomach growled ferociously, reminding him just how hungry he actually was. To take his mind off that, his eyes lingered on Evan just a little too long, and he studied the younger man curiously. He was attractive, there was no doubt about that, and his charisma and charm showed off well when he spoke about things he loved or cared about. His dark eyes, bright smile, it would be enough to make anyone fall for him. Jonathan just hoped he was right about it.

They managed to get a cab to stop for them in front of the hospital, and they were on their way. Evan kept his distance in the back seat of the car, when he knew that normally they'd have their hands interlocked with one another's. However, this was a different circumstance, it always was. He kept to himself, trying not to make everything so goddamn awkward. So he merely turned to the older man and asked, "What do you want to eat?" It was a simple question, and yet Jonathan didn't know how to answer.

"What do I normally eat?" He inquired.

Vanoss chuckled slightly, "Usually whatever the hell you want."

"We can get what you want... It doesn't matter." He replied nonchalantly.

Evan shook his head, "No, come on, what sounds good? We can get whatever, my treat." He insisted as the cab continued to drive. He could tell Jonathan was drawing more inward to himself, which was why his answers were getting less and less specific. And that meant that he was feeling uncomfortable, which was the last thing Evan wanted to happen. He wished he could just cure Jonathan, and have everything back to normal, but it had only been a few hours, so this whole ordeal was still going to take some getting used to. It was adjusting to do for the both of them, and Evan just hoped that their relationship would make it through and suffice.

A sigh escaped Delirious' lips, "I guess I could go for some pizza."

"Pizza sounds great." Evan smiled. The cab ride was about twenty minutes or so, until Jonathan saw that they were pulling up to a small pizza parlor. He knew this place from his childhood, so at least the setting was somewhat familiar to him. In retrospect, he was glad that he and Evan had chosen to live and stay in North Carolina, because familiar surroundings made his accident seem a little more bearable. At least he could remember these things. "You brought me here when we met for the first time." Evan broke the silence, pulling Delirious out of his thoughts.

"Really?" His head was pounding and he didn't know what to say, so he just followed Vanoss inside the pizza place, and they took a seat near the back. Evan managed to order them some pepperoni pizza, and after that, they waited. He had to admit, it was a bit awkward because there was no banter between them, no laughter, no jokes, only silence. Jonathan's eyes darted back and forth, and he was panicking because he didn't know what to say. His anxiety was getting the best of him, and he wished it wouldn't.

Evan picked up on this immediately. "Hey, what's wrong?" His voice was much softer than normal.

Jon's breaths were coming out in short pants, and his heartbeat was erratically fast. Was he going into an anxiety attack? "I um... I..." He didn't know how to explain himself without sounding like a complete idiot. In an attempt to calm him down, Evan reached across the table to grab his hand hoping that it would work. Jonathan's baby blues widened, and he yanked his hand away quickly. " _Please, don't do that._ " He begged, his voice shaky. And Evan's face fell immediately. He should have known better though, after all, he was still a stranger to Delirious. And even thought he tried his hardest, the older man still became very overwhelmed with everything.

If that was the case, then how in the world would they be able to go home together tomorrow? If they couldn't even order pizza and eat together without him freaking out, what would eventually become of the two? Was it just because Jonathan wasn't comfortable enough around Evan yet? He would never know, and hell, even Jonathan didn't really know why he was freaking out like this. It had to have something to do with the accident, that was probably a possibility he had never considered before. Maybe he was still in shock? "I'm sorry, Jonathan, I-" Evan tried to explain, but was cut off by his fiancé.

"Can we just head back to the hospital please?"

Evan nodded, "Yeah..." He stood up quickly. "Yeah, I'll get the pizza to go."


	6. Vulnerable Determination

"You don't have to stay here with me." Jonathan broke the silence between he and Vanoss. The hospital bed was stiff and uncomfortable, and the empty pizza box on the table made the room reek, and Delirious couldn't even make eye contact with the man standing at the foot of his bed. He knew he shouldn't, but he felt embarrassed anyway. He _thought_ he had a handle on everything, he thought he could do all this; but that little panic attack at the pizza placed proved that he couldn't. Jonathan wasn't ready for the world, and a part of him didn't want Evan to see him like that. He didn't want to be looked down on, known as vulnerable and confused. That _wasn't_ him. "Go home and get some proper rest, I'll be here tomorrow when you wake up." The older man gave a half smile in an attempt to joke.

Evan sighed, "You don't want me here, do you?" His dark eyes were hesitant as he tried his hardest to come in contact with those baby blues he loved so dearly. But Jonathan wouldn't meet his gaze. His head fell, and he merely played with his hands in his lap. Things were coming undone before they had even been put back together, and this was not the way things were supposed to go. Evan could read Jonathan like a book, and he knew what the older man was feeling right now. Of all the time they had spent together, he knew better. He could tell so acutely when his fiancé was trying to avoid the truth.

"I _do_ want you here..." Jonathan managed to get out as he finally looked up and met Evan's line of sight.

"Then what is it?" Evan inquired.

Delirious shook his head, "I'm weak, I'm confused... And if I freak out like that again, I don't want to hurt your feelings. _It's not me_. I'm just, my head's not right." He finished, explaining things the best way he could. Hell, back at the pizza parlor, when he yanked his hand away, the look on Evan's face paralyzed him. It was so full of hurt and rejection. That couldn't happen again; it shouldn't have to happen again. Jonathan wanted to give Evan another chance, he wanted this to work, he wanted to remember his normal life. But the accident, his anxiety, his own fucking memory for christ's sake were all working against him. It was going to require some very hard work.

Evan moved to sit on the side of the hospital bed hoping it wouldn't make Delirious uncomfortable, "I know that." He confirmed, "And that's why I _need_ to be by your side. I want to help you get better." He loved Jonathan more than he loved life itself, and he wasn't going to leave his side until he told him to. He was ready for this no matter what. They were going to get through this together, for better or for worse, just like Cartoonz had said. "I know it's going to be hard, but I think we can do it." He trailed off.

Jonathan smiled at his fiancé's determination, "You know, I'm starting to see why I was going to marry you." He laughed, that beautiful signature laugh of his filling the tiny hospital room, and it caused Evan to break out into a grin as well. It was good to hear that laugh again, see Delirious smile again, and tomorrow, they'd be heading back home together to try and piece back together their normal life. "You're a good guy, Evan." He concluded when the laughter died down. The love behind his eyes were there; those dark orbs showed nothing but contempt and compassion for the hospitalized man, and Jonathan _knew_ right then and there that this man really did love him, it was only a matter of himself reciprocating that love, or the small chance of his memory coming back.

"So are you," Evan replied without missing a beat.

"Are you staying?"

"If you want."

"I do."

"Okay."

The small chair beside the hospital bed was very uncomfortable, but Evan wouldn't complain for Jonathan's sake. He wasn't going to leave the man's side, and if that meant being sleep deprived then so be it. He was just glad Jonathan had finally drifted off after asking endless questions about his life. He had asked him about his favorite food, his favorite colors, his favorite places and things to do. It was a never ending chain of getting to know him, until Evan finally made him stop and try to get some sleep. He was stubborn, but that was no surprise, but finally, he reluctantly agreed, turning over and drifting off in a matter of minutes. The sound of his gentle breaths filled the air, and Vanoss tried to use that as a lullaby to get himself to sleep, but it was to avail.

All he wanted was to crawl into the bed beside Jonathan and hold him close, smell him again, feel him again, but he knew that right now at this point in their relationship, all those things were considered taboo. That's the last thing he wanted, for Jonathan to wake up in the middle of the night and freak out because someone else was in the bed with him. So he pushed his longings aside and tried to get as comfortable as he could in the tiny chair. He thought of he and Jon's future as a married couple, and that was enough to get him to fall asleep.

When morning finally came, Jonathan was the first to wake, the light from the window obstructing his eyes as he squinted from the sunlight. His head immediately began pounding, and he was thankful when he saw the pain medicine and glass of water on his nightstand. The nurse must have left it there, and he was so grateful that she did. His headaches had been unbearable these past few days. He took them without question, hoping his headache would subside soon. After taking the pills, Evan immediately caught his eye, and for a moment, he had forgotten that he spent the night at the hospital with him. But there he was, all curled up in the chair fast asleep.

It was almost a comical sight really, seeing how big he was compared to the small, uncomfortable recliner. His legs were drawn up, and his head was tilted back, mouth slightly open as he snored. Jonathan took one of the small blankets at the bottom of the hospital bed and covered his fiancé up with it. After all, these hospitals were colder than usual, and he didn't want Evan to catch a cold. He looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep, so Jonathan left him alone, and headed to the bathroom to get cleaned up for the day. He was excited, yet nervous to go home.

It was nearing mid morning when Cartoonz had finally arrived to the hospital again. He brought some breakfast for Evan and Jon, as he made his way into Jonathan's room. He had to admit, he had been worried about his almost brother while he was away last night. A part of him wondered if he'd ever get his memory back. Jon was sitting on the bed watching television while Evan slept. He had gotten dressed, and gotten all of his personal items ready to head home. Luke threw him a breakfast burrito, "Everything go alright?" He asked as he eyed Evan who was still fast asleep.

Jonathan nodded, "We're doing okay." He answered, "I'm just ready to go home."

"I saw the doctor, he should be on his way here to discharge you." Luke replied.

No later than twenty minutes, the doctor came into the room with Delirious' paperwork. "All ready to go home, I see?" He smiled and Jonathan nodded, "Okay, I'll just need you to fill out these forms and schedule a follow up appointment, and you'll be good to go." He said as he gave the older man his paperwork to fill out. When it was all said and done, Delirious had been growing antsy. He was ready to go and he was ready now. "Just be extra careful, try not to do any strenuous activities, and give me a call if you have any questions or concerns." The doctor finished his little spiel and left the room. That was it, Jonathan was free to go.

"You want me to pull the car around?" Cartoonz asked, and Delirious nodded.

"Yeah, I'll wake up Evan." He turned to the asian man who was still sleeping soundly and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, shaking him if only slightly. "Evan," He spoke, his voice soft. "Evan, wake up." He said, causing his fiancé to stir.

"Hm?"

"It's time to go home."


	7. Home Sweet Home

The car ride home was almost completely silent. Luke drove with Delirious in the passenger seat, while Evan drummed his fingers on his lap in the back seat. He didn't particularly care for the silence, it made the moment feel a bit more awkward than it should have been. However, he was glad Jonathan was finally out of the hospital and able to go home. He knew the older man wasn't too fond of those places, and he'd be much happier and comfortable at home, even if he couldn't remember it. Hopefully he'd get better faster too. They all wanted his memory to improve.

His dark eyes drifted to the man in the passenger seat, and he let a small smile come to his lips. Even after everything, after all these negative things, Evan had faith. He had a positive outlook on everything, and deep down he knew that he and Jonathan could make this work. His eyes moved to the scar, and he cringed internally. He wished with every fiber in his being that it had been him instead of Jonathan. If the roles could be reversed he would make it that way in a heartbeat. He never wanted anything bad to happen to Jon, hell, at least he was here, that was all that mattered.

Finally, it was Cartoonz who broke the silence as he drove, "How you feeling, Jon?" He inquired, glancing over at the man in the passenger seat if only for a moment.

Delirious shrugged, "Okay, I guess..." He trailed off. "Just glad to be out of the hospital." He didn't really feel like talking much if he were being honest with himself. His head was hurting, and deep down, feelings of hesitation lingered beneath the surface. He was anxious to go home... To an unknown place. A part of him contemplated going to stay with Luke, but he knew better than that. The doctor had told him to go about his normal life, and his normal life was with Evan, not with Luke. Truthfully, he was scared, but he wouldn't let Luke or Evan know that. They were already worried about him enough, and he didn't want to cause more stress to them after they had both already done so much for him.

"If you have any questions..." Evan spoke up, "You know, just tell me."

"Don't worry, I will." He replied.

In a matter of minutes, Luke was pulling into the driveway where Delirious' car was visible. It was Evan's car that had been destroyed in the wreck, but at least he and Jon had another car. It'd be better than having Cartoonz drive them all over the place. They didn't want to rely on the older man for everything, after all, he had a busy life to live too. Their house was relatively small, two stories, and light blue. It had a cozy front porch, cute little square windows, and it had been the perfect house for them when they had decided to live with one another. Evan couldn't help but to remember the look on Jonathan's face when they had first come to look at it.

"So this is home?" Jonathan inquired as Cartoonz shut off the car.

"Yep," The oldest man replied. "And I live two streets over." He added as he took the keys out of the ignition and got out of the car. Vanoss and Delirious followed suit, opening the car doors and closing them after they had exited the car. Jonathan stopped for a moment, before walking any farther. He wanted to take everything in, embrace the overwhelming feeling he felt pooling around in his gut. He was excited, yet unsure and afraid all at once. There were so many memories that he and Evan had here already, and he couldn't recall a single one. That thought made him sick, and he closed his eyes, afraid of the tears escaping.

"You alright?" Evan asked, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Jonathan's blue orbs shot open quickly and he nodded, "Yeah... Just, a... Um, a lot to take in."

Luke approached the both of them, "Jon, why don't you go ahead and go inside while I talk to Evan." He suggested, and Delirious nodded, and took Evan's key before heading up the winding sidewalk and up onto the front porch. Luke waited until he got inside before he spoke again. "How are you taking all of this?" He questioned, glancing up at Evan who was shielding his eyes from the hot sun. It was a nice day today, thankfully. He recalled though, yesterday, that Evan was losing all of his shit over this, but it had seemed that he had calmed down quite a bit.

The asian man shrugged, "One day at a time I suppose, like he is."

"Are you going to be alright with him by yourself?" Luke continued to ask.

"I've managed before... Honestly though," He stopped to shake his head, "I just... I know it's going to be hard. But I can do it. We can do this. We'll probably have to post pone the wedding though, you know? His memory isn't just going to magically come back in two months." Evan said. "And that's not enough time. I don't want him to feel like I'm rushing him into anything. He can take all the time in the _world._ " The younger man finished.

"Just make sure you tell him that." Luke replied. Meanwhile, Delirious had gone into the house, and he stood in the doorway trying to make himself remember. The living room was simple enough, couches and a big screen television mounted on the wall. There was a bookshelf beneath the TV with some movies and other little trinkets on it. But he couldn't recollect a single thing. Sure, he recognized a few of his favorite movies, but that was it. The kitchen was spotless, and there wasn't really anything special about it, so he headed upstairs to the second story of the house. It was just baffling to him how he couldn't even remember his own home. That mere thought made him sad.

The hallway upstairs led to two bedrooms and a bathroom. One bedroom, the smaller one, was filled with nothing but computers and sound equipment, and games. This must have been where they did their work for youtube. Jonathan figured he wouldn't be doing much of that for awhile, not at least he got comfortable around his other friends as Evan said. After observing that room, he headed to other bedroom, which had to be the room he and Evan stayed in. The bed was unmade, the comforter hanging lazily off the side, pillows strewn about. The dresser held photos of them together, and Jonathan felt like he was going to be sick.

His whole _fucking_ life was unfamiliar to him, and he hated it. How would he ever adjust to this? Waking up in a strange house, with some person he barely knew living with him. His eyes burned, and his head pounded, so he sat down on the bed in an attempt to calm himself down. The blue orbs never left the photo of he and Evan on the nightstand. They looked so happy, so _in love._ And now, there was nothing. Would they be able to pick up the pieces? Pick up where they left off? Would Jonathan be able to fall in love with Evan _again_? Would his life ever go back to normal? All these questions lingered dryly in his throat, and he struggled to swallow the huge lump they created.

He couldn't cry though. He was damn tired of crying, tired of being weak, vulnerable, and all those other negative connotations. Deep down, he knew he had to be strong, he had to be ready and prepared to deal with all of things that came with this. If he wasn't strong, then his memory may not ever come back. But hell, it was so hard to keep a positive attitude when everything was so lost.

However, when Delirious heard footsteps coming up the stairs, he hurried and tried to compose himself. "Jon, you up here?" Evan's voice carried throughout the hallway, and Jonathan wiped his bloodshot eyes, hoping that his fiancé wouldn't be able to sense his distress. Finally, he opened the bedroom door and spotted the older man on the bed. "There you are, you okay?" He questioned, his voice soft. Jonathan merely nodded. "You need me to show you where anything is?" He added, just wanting to be helpful. He could tell something was wrong, but he didn't want to antagonize his fiancé any more than he already had.

Delirious shook his head, "I just have one question."

"Okay."

"What side of the bed do I sleep on?" He inquired, finally meeting Evan's gaze.

A smile pulled on the younger man's lips, "Left."

"Alright, I lied, I have one more question." Delirious continued.

"What is it?"

"Can I please have some of my headache medicine?" Jonathan stood up, shoving his hands in his pockets. "My head is killing me." He added, and Evan nodded, disappearing into the bathroom to get Jonathan a glass of water to take the pills that the doctor had prescribed him. So far, so good, and that's what Evan continued to keep telling himself. However, he knew it wouldn't last like this for long. It was only inevitable before reality came crashing down on them.


	8. All The Time In The World

"So, what do I usually do?" Jonathan inquired as he broke the silence between he and Evan as they stood downstairs in the living room of their house. It was still early in the day, since he had been discharged from the hospital as soon as he had woken up. He figured he should get back to taking control of his daily routine since the doctor had told him to go back to living his normal life. Delirious looked up at his fiancé, their eyes meeting for the millionth time that morning, and he gave a little grin. Sure, the nerves and anxiety were still there, but he had managed to push them to the back of his mind until he was alone.

"Well," Vanoss began. "After you wake up, you usually cook breakfast, or we go out for breakfast together." He explained. He didn't necessarily feel like going out since he had just arrived in what was his _home_ , so he decided on cooking. It was a simple task, could be done easily, and for once since this whole damn accident had happened, it would make him feel normal; make him feel like everything in his life right now wasn't so fucked up. Because truth be told, it was, and he was trying his hardest to keep a level head, to not just break down and say screw everything. Delirious knew he had to try before he decided to give up; that was a given.

The older man took a few steps towards the small, homey kitchen, and then he looked back at Evan, blue eyes shining like the clear North Carolina sun outside. "Can I cook?" The question left his lips in an innocent voice, and he sounded too vulnerable, too open for his liking.

Evan nodded, and gestured towards the stove, "Go right ahead, it's your house too... You don't have to ask."

Jonathan nodded, "Right..." He trailed off, and continued his way to the kitchen. He began pulling miscellaneous ingredients out of the fridge, eggs, milk, bacon, and sat them on the counter. Evan merely watched from the living room with hesitant eyes as Jonathan was in his element. Hell, he was the one that cooked for them normally. Always preparing big meals and dinners, too much food that he or Evan would never eat. That was just how he liked it though. He liked being in charge of the kitchen, and Evan found that he would probably soon discover that while he was preparing a breakfast for a king.

"Hey," Evan interrupted his concentration if only for a moment as he walked into the kitchen to stand by Delirious. The man looked away from the cabinet full of pots and pans to stare back at his fiancé. "You gonna be alright while I go take a shower and get some work done?" He inquired, raising a quick brow. In retrospect, he didn't want to leave Jonathan _alone,_ but he was sure the older man was sick of him hovering. He needed support, not a complete babysitter, so he figured it was his best bet to leave him by himself for a few hours.

The older man nodded, turning his attention back to the food. "I should be okay."

"I'll be upstairs if you need me, yeah?"

"Alright." Jonathan answered, and continued cooking his breakfast of bacon and eggs. He lost himself in this simple task, and it felt nice to just sort of forget about things for a few minutes, no pun intended. His worries washed away if only for a moment, but he enjoyed himself as he stirred his eggs and listened to the sound of running water coming from upstairs. A part of him was glad that Evan had left him alone, because now if he lost his shit, he wouldn't have to do it in front of an audience.

It was still a weird concept to Delirious, really, with him being hit on the head and just having some of his life disappear. Somehow, he felt lighter, carefree, younger maybe? Or maybe it was all in his head. And there he went with overthinking things once more, and he was beginning to give himself a headache again. His baby blue eyes drifted to the engagement band on his finger, and he studied it with fever and content. Who would have ever thought that he would be the one to settle down and get married? Evan must have been special, must have been really something for Jonathan to just commit like that. A teensy sliver of him was eager to fall in love again, but the rest of him was terrified. He could only imagine what it was like the first time.

Delirious had always been a hopeless romantic, but there was something about falling in love that was just absolutely horrifying. He had always believed in that, accident or no accident. It was the complex nature of letting yourself completely trust someone with your whole self, letting them inside, allowing them to love you. And with love, it wasn't just yourself you had to be concerned with, it was the other person too; with love, you had someone else to care for, someone else to worry about. It was euphoric and frightening all in one, and he guessed that was what made love, love. Obviously he had been able to do that with Vanoss, or else he wouldn't be in this situation right now. But the real question was, would he be able to do it a second time?

Once his breakfast was finished, he made himself a plate, and sat it on the counter. After that, he headed upstairs to check on his fiancé, and to see if he wanted to eat as well. He trudged carefully up the stairs, and he heard laughter coming from the second bedroom, and then a muffled voice. Curiosity got the best of Jonathan, so he stayed right there outside the door to eavesdrop. "He's doing okay guys," He heard Evan's voice say. Who in the world was he talking to though? "I can tell he's being careful around me though, which I mean I don't blame him... Yeah... I don't know when you guys will be able to talk to him, that's his decision..." Delirious listened to Evan talk, but finally knocked on the door before opening it.

"You want to eat?" Jonathan questioned as he eyed Evan who was sitting at a computer monitor playing some game that Jonathan wasn't familiar with.

The asian man turned around, shooting Jonathan a smile, "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute Jon." He replied, before going back to his game. Delirious merely nodded and headed back downstairs, shutting the door behind him. It all still felt weird, he felt like he didn't belong. It was only the first day, but still, this was going to take a lot of time to get used to. He tried to clear his head and sat down at the small kitchen table to eat his breakfast. It was nearing noon, and he had yet to do anything productive besides cook. Is this what his new life had become? Evan came bounding down the stairs, causing him to snap out of it. "Smells great." He complimented as he sat down beside his fiancé.

"Thanks." Delirious half smiled.

"You cook a lot." Evan informed with a grin. "In fact, you almost never let me into the kitchen while you're in there."

Jon gave a toothy smile back, accompanied with a chuckle, "Sounds about like me." He spooned another bite of eggs into his mouth and chewed thoroughly. "What do I usually do after breakfast?" He inquired, wanting to know what the next part of his daily routine was. He wanted to keep busy so he didn't have to think about the accident, didn't have to think about establishing his life all over again.

Vanoss shrugged, "We play games, or edit... It depends."

"I think I'm going to stay _away_ from youtube for a few days, honestly... I just don't want to overwhelm myself." He replied.

Evan nodded, "You've got back up videos, it'll be alright." It was quiet for a few moments between them before Evan spoke again, "The guys were asking about you a little bit ago. They're all worried... I told them it would probably be awhile though before you got back to playing with us like normal again. Which they totally understand, you know, they don't want you to rush things." He rambled on and on, rubbing a hand on his neck, scratching it slightly. The guys were all nothing but empathetic in the accident, all of them being supportive of the couple. Hell, Evan couldn't ask for better friends.

"I'm going to try and get back into the swing of things." Delirious replied, as he continued eating.

"And that's another thing..." Evan began, "Look Jon, just because we were getting married... I, I don't want you to feel obliged to _rush_ into things with me. We have all the time in the world, so just, you know, don't feel bad. I want you to get better, and that's not going to happen if you're all stressed out." He finished, trying to word things the best he could. Evan wasn't the best with laying his feelings all out there on the table, but he wanted Delirious to know that he was cared for, and that he could take his time with all of this. He didn't want to force him into anything, all he wanted was to give him some space and time to heal properly.

"That means a lot, Evan, thank you." Jonathan replied, his lips pulling into a small smile. Maybe, just maybe, this would all work out. Or maybe it wouldn't. Only time would tell with this twisted outcome of events. Both of them were going to stay positive though, at least, that's what they had in their mindsets at the moment.


	9. Describing The Accident

After the two of them finished eating their breakfast, Jonathan stood up from the table and looked down at Evan. "I'll clean up, you go back to work."

"Are you sure?" Evan inquired, also standing up from their small kitchen table and pushing in his chair.

Delirious nodded, and gave a small smile, "What? You don't think I can handle myself?"

"No... I just... I..."

"I'm just fucking with you, Evan." Another small graced his lovely, plump lips, causing Evan to grin right back at him. "Now go make a video." He ushered him up the stairs, and soon, it was just Jonathan alone. He cleared the plates from the table, putting them in the sink to wash them off. There was something about cleaning that helped him ease his troubled mind. And once he was finished with all the cleaning, he allowed himself to relax by watching a movie on the couch. He needed something to help keep him distracted, and the movie seemed to work for a little while.

The day passed by slowly, clouds rolling in making way for a late thunderstorm. Jonathan could hear Evan's bouts of laughter upstairs in the bedroom, and it brought a smile to his face each time he heard it. When would this house start to feel like a home? That was a question Jonathan had lingering in his headspace, and he had a feeling that he wouldn't get the answer to it any time soon. He just had to keep going with the flow, making things work. Soon it was dinner time, and Evan ordered a pizza because Jonathan didn't feel like cooking again.

Rain beat down on the roof as they sat on the couch together, watching some game show, eating their slices of pizza. "How's your head?" Evan broke the silence, starting a conversation. He looked over at his fiancé, who appeared to be getting sleepy.

"Hurts like a bitch, but I'll manage." Delirious answered.

"Your medication is in the bathroom, you know, in case you need it." The younger man replied.

"Okay." Jonathan nodded, turning his attention back to the television. Something had been bothering him all day though, and he wasn't sure if he should just blatantly ask about it, or wait awhile. It was eating him up though, especially since the doctor hadn't given him any details. He decided he was going to go for it. "Hey," He interrupted, causing Evan to turn and look at him, meeting his blue eyes. His voice was soft, maybe because this subject matter could have been considered taboo. "Can you _tell_ me about the accident?" A simple question, but he watched Evan's face contort in an expression of pain. "I just... You know, since I don't remember, I'd really like to know what happened." He explained.

"Um," Vanoss swallowed hard, not sure if he wanted to relive this moment of his life again. Of courses, if Jonathan wanted to know, he wasn't going to not tell him. The game show played in the background, deafening him, and he didn't know how to start this story; this recollection of events. And suddenly, he felt a jolt of electricity run through his body as Jonathan grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard. _He was touching him._ The warm skin made him feel alive, and a newfound hope spread through his body as his dark eyes met his fiancé's much lighter ones.

"I'm sorry," The older man apologized. "I shouldn't have asked... I didn't know it was that hard on you."

He shook his head, "No, it's okay. I can tell you." He replied, letting an exhale escape him. "We were coming back from getting our tuxedos fitted, for the wedding, and we had just eaten dinner at a place we go all the time... We were talking about being tired, and you were messing around with the radio... We were holding hands, and fuck... We were so _close_ to our house." Evan could feel himself beginning to tear up, and he had to stop for a few minutes to gather his thoughts. "After that, I heard you scream... And I had never heard you scream like that. I'm pretty sure I blacked out for a few minutes, and when I woke up, you were unconscious, and your head was _bleeding_ so bad. I tried waking you up, but it didn't work." He added.

"What was it?" Jonathan questioned.

"Drunk driver." Evan replied, "Hit us straight on... And fuck, I thought I lost you Jon. When I woke up in the hospital, I was so scared... I thought you were _dead."_ He closed his eyes and let a single tear fall down his cheek before hurrying and wiping it away. He didn't want the older man seeing him get so worked up over something so trivial, but he couldn't help it. Even right now, just talking about it, his heart was being fast, he could practically _hear_ the sound of metal bending and crunching together in his mind.

"Hey," Jonathan soothed, his voice just the right level. It gave Evan goosebumps on his tanned flesh. Jonathan squeezed his hand once more for comfort. "I'm not dead, alright, I'm right here. And, shit, I might not be able to remember you, but that doesn't mean I'm not trying to." He finished. Hell, he didn't want Evan to be upset, not now, not when everything was seeming to go okay so far.

"I know." Evan nodded. "And if I seem clingy, I'm sorry. It's only because I thought I was going to lose you a few days ago."

"It's _okay."_ Delirious gave a small smile. "I'm here, that's all that matters. Thank you for telling me about the accident."

"You deserved to know." The asian man replied. After they finished their pizza and game show, it was late. Both of them were growing sleepy, yawns escaping their mouths ever so often. Evan stood up, collecting Jonathan's plate and empty pizza box, before heading to the kitchen to put it away. When he returned, he stopped to look at Jonathan. "You can take the bedroom." He said, stifling a yawn. "I'll sleep on the couch." He added.

"Are you sure?" Delirious asked before he stood up. "I'm perfectly okay with sleeping on the couch."

Evan shook his head, "You need your rest, take the bed."

He smiled as he headed towards the steps, "Thanks, for everything."

"No problem," Evan gave a toothy grin back. "I'll be down here if you need me." He watched as Jonathan disappeared up the stairs, and listened to the bedroom door close before he flopped back down on the couch. He grabbed the television remote and mindlessly flipped through the channels until he found something bearable to listen to while he fell asleep. Today went quite well, if he had to say so himself. He was sure that Jonathan hadn't been overwhelmed with anything, and that was a very good thing. He hoped tomorrow would be the same way.

If they kept having good days like this, it might help Delirious with his memory coming back. And the soon that that happened, the sooner they could get back to their normal lives, back to planning the wedding, back to being a normal couple. Of course, Evan knew that his memory might not come back, but he didn't want to think of that. He wanted to remain positive, in hopes that it would come back.

The bed seemed too big for just one person, at least, that's how Jonathan felt. The sheets smelled like pine and lavender, and it was a comforting scent, but he couldn't sleep. He had felt like he laid there for hours, when in all actuality, it had probably been about twenty minutes of him tossing and turning. He had a feeling he would have this problem, after all, it was a new place he was, at least, that's what his mind was telling him. It would take him some time before he got used to sleeping in his house, in this big bed. So, he threw the covers off him, and headed to the top of the steps.

"Evan." He spoke aloud. He watched as the man rolled over on the couch to attempt to look at him.

"What is it? What's the matter?" He inquired.

"I can't sleep." Jonathan answered. "Can you just like, come sit with me until I fall asleep?" He asked, feeling the crimson blush burning on his face. It was a little embarrassing to say the least, but if Evan helped him fall asleep, then so be it.

Evan sat up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, "Yeah, sure Jon." He said, before making his way up the stairs, following his fiancé into the bedroom.


	10. Everything Has Changed

Rain echoed throughout the bedroom as it poured down outside, lighting flashing every few minutes or so, leaving an imminent purple lingering in the air. Evan flipped through a couple pictures of he and Jonathan on his phone, showing his fiancé, and telling him stories about them. He had hoped it would help him in falling asleep, and so far, it deemed to be a working plan.

Jonathan laid down in the bed, up to his neck in blankets, glancing at the man sitting up against the headboard beside him. He felt comfy, safe, with Evan here beside him. He hummed sleepily, letting a yawn escape him for the umpteenth time that night. There was just something about the night that wouldn't let him fall asleep.

"This is when we met in person for the first time," Evan explained, leaning down so that Jonathan could see the picture. They were standing beside each other, big smiles adorning their faces, and they were clad in each other's t-shirts. Vanoss thought that the moment captured in the picture was probably the best moment of his life, because he got to meet the love of his life. The nostalgia was real as he thumbed through the pictures, "That's us on our first date." He explained, showing Delirious a photo of them walking hand in hand, stars in the sky, everything right and real. He was pretty sure it was Marcel who had snapped the photo of them together.

"Where did we go?" The older man asked, blue eyes darting around the room.

"Just to dinner," A small laugh escaped Vanoss, "And you made me laugh so hard, pepsi came out of my nose."

That signature laugh filled the room, "Glad to know my charm worked on you." Jon laughed as he rolled over to face Evan. It really was sad, that he couldn't remember all these great memories. Hell, it was most of his life, the happier parts of his life that he couldn't remember. It was the moments like these where he so desperately wished his memory would eventually come back. He _wanted_ to be able to recollect those events with Vanoss. He wanted to remember all the times he made the younger man laugh, made him blush, etc...

"We ate ice cream for dessert... And then stayed out all night, stargazing." He continued to explain.

Jonathan cleared his throat, "Can I ask you another question?"

Evan nodded, "Yeah, go ahead."

"Why me?"

The younger man sighed, looking down at Jonathan, dark eyes shining. "You used to ask that a lot when we first got together." His voice was warm, gentle, comforting in the dark bedroom. "And I never really had a good answer for you..." He trailed off. "I just told you that I loved you, and you made me feel special, you know? That still applies, even now." He continued to explain. "I ask myself too, how did I get so lucky?" Vanoss finally finished.

Delirious scoffed, a small snort coming from him. "How can you sit here and say you love me when I can't even remember you? Doesn't that piss you off?"

"I was upset at first." Evan replied, "But nothing has changed Jon... Sure, we've got an obstacle in our way, but we can get through it."

 _"Nothing_ has changed!?" Jonathan questioned incredulously. He sat up so that he could look at Evan, blood rushing to his head quickly. "For you maybe, but for me...? _Everything_ has changed! I can't even remember the past five years of my life, and you just... You're brushing it off like it's nothing?" He could feel tears welling up in his baby blue eyes, but he didn't want them to fall. He didn't want to cry in front of Evan, he didn't want to show his weak side. A headache was coming on fast, and he knew he would need some of his medication soon. He rubbed his eyes furiously, before looking back up at the asian man sitting across from him in the bed once more.

"Jonathan, I didn't mean it like that, I just-"

"Then what did you mean?" He asked angrily. "Because I have to _relearn_ a life that I can't even remember, and all you're concerned about is me falling in love with you again. You keep throwing that _we_ word in there, but it's not we, it's _me._ " The words were harsh when he let them escape his mouth, tasting bitter as they rolled off his tongue. He hadn't meant to yell at Vanoss like that, but he couldn't help it, he was frustrated, and he was letting these frustrations out before he drove himself crazy.

"I'm sorry..." Evan apologized, his voice softer than it needed to be. His chest hurt, it was tight with each breath he took. Jonathan had never yelled at him like that, never talked to him like that. But the sad thing was that he was right. Evan knew he was right; he knew he was being selfish with all of this, instead of supportive. Not only did Jonathan have to relearn his relationship, his engagement, he had to relearn his whole youtube life, relearn all his friends that he'd made over the years, and relearn that his family didn't talk to him anymore. He had to gain all of this information, and it was beginning to get overwhelming. _And it was still only the first day of him being home._ Fuck. How would this work?

"My head hurts," Delirious then stood up, and headed to the bathroom to grab some of his medicine. His head was throbbing now, eyes burning from unfallen tears threatening to fall at any given moment. Evan didn't follow him to the bathroom, and he was thankful for that. He could cry without an audience. He locked the door behind him, opening the cabinet and pulling out his bottle of pills. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, and scowled. That fucking scar haunted him, he hated it, he hated this situation.

After taking the pills, he decided to stay in the bathroom a little while longer. A part of him did feel bad for yelling at Vanoss like that, but hell, he couldn't help it. He felt like he was just being pulled underwater, weights tied to his ankles, and he was already in so deep before anything had even started. Sure, Evan had made it clear earlier that Jonathan could take all the time he wanted to, but that was easier said than done. Too many emotions, too many feelings blocked it all, made it impossible for them to just empathize with each other. Evan was frantic for Jon to regain his memory, and Jonathan was just confused at all this new information he had to learn. It was a lose/lose situation, for the both of them.

Jonathan felt stuck to say the least. But this was all necessary, it was all vital. How would he know if he truly loved Evan if he didn't try to love the man again? These questions tricked him, made his head hurt, his chest constrict as he thought about them. He had to try, he had to try if he wanted his normal life back. But maybe, just maybe, it would be good if he had a few days with Evan not so all over his back and what not. He needed to be alone, needed to sort out his thoughts, he needed to figure out what he wanted, and what he didn't want. Hopefully Evan would be okay with that.

Evan waited and waited in the bed for Jonathan, minutes turned into hours, and it had been two and the older man still hadn't come back to bed. He took that as a hint that he wanted to be alone. So he got up from their bed, and went to knock on the bathroom door. "Goodnight Jonathan..." He trailed off, lingering there in front of the door for a few moments before heading back downstairs to the couch. The wetness on his cheeks deceived him as he began to cry. He didn't want it to be like this... He hadn't meant to be selfish on purpose, it just came out that way. And goddamn, he loved Jonathan so much, everything was just so fucked.

When Delirious did finally come out of the bathroom, a sigh of relief filtered through him when he saw Evan wasn't in the bedroom anymore. His baby blues were red, puffy, and swollen from crying in the bathroom, but he felt better now that it was all out of his system. He felt relaxed enough to go to sleep, so he did just that, even though the lingering questions without answers still echoed deep in his mind.


	11. Let's Play Far Cry

"Luke, I don't know what to do... He hasn't come out of the bedroom in three days." Evan spoke worriedly into the phone, his eyebrows contorting in frustration. Was Delirious still mad at him for the other day? He had apologized, he had done everything in his power to assure forgiveness, but maybe, maybe it wouldn't work. It wasn't enough. That thought made his heart sink, hell, even just thinking about Jonathan right now made him feel completely worthless. He was such a shitty fiancé. The older man wouldn't come out to eat or anything; he had been locked away in the bedroom, not even saying anything to Evan. This is what he had feared the most; Jonathan pushing him away.

Luke sighed on the other end of the phone, "He's fine, Evan... You gotta chill."

"He's fine?" Evan asked incredulously, eyebrows shooting up on his forehead. "He isn't eating... I don't know if he's sleeping, fuck man... I just wish he would talk to me. I don't know if he's alright, and it's my fault." He sat down on the couch and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I feel like shit... I shouldn't have pushed him." He felt guilty to say the least, and that was putting it mildly. Jonathan's harsh words still lingering fresh in his mind, and each time he thought about them, it felt like ripping off a band aid, exposing wounded flesh. He wished he could take it back, take everything back, maybe then he'd stop feeling so pathetic.

"You can't be up his ass, alright?" Luke replied. "Give him some space, you guys will be fine. He is _fine._ "

"Have you been talking to him?" Vanoss inquired.

"No."

"Luke,"

"Okay, yeah, I have been. So what?" The older man finally confessed. After all, Delirious was like his little brother, and he was just as worried about him as Evan was, he was just better at hiding it. But he had been checking up on Jon, making sure he was alright and didn't need anything. Cartoonz was the only thing in his life right now that he remembered; he was his anchor. He was vital to him. "He's been asking me questions, about you, the guys... He's still just really confused Evan. Fuck, it's only been four days, ease up." Luke added, shrugging. He couldn't believe how nonchalant he was being despite the seriousness of the situation. But he _knew_ Delirious, and he knew he was going to be okay.

"Has he said anything about me?" The asian man asked, curiosity biting him hard.

"He told me y'all got in a fight." Luke answered. "And he's been asking questions, but that's it." He finished, and Evan could feel a lump beginning to form in his throat. That was supposed to be _him_ answering Jonathan's questions, him giving support, but he had already gone and messed it up. Delirious didn't even want to talk to him. "Just give it time, like I said, you'll be alright, so will he." The older man finished before bidding Evan goodbye, and hanging up his phone. Vanoss sat there, head in his hands, and contemplated Luke's words. Was he right? Would everything be okay? He decided to play some games to take his mind off things.

Meanwhile, Delirious had yet to get out of bed for the third day in a row. It seemed as though this was his permanent spot for the past three days, locked in the bedroom, wallowing is self deprecation and negative thoughts. He didn't know why, but he had felt a little better now that he had isolated himself, and gotten some space from Evan. And he was busy doing perilous research. Of course, his phone already had a lot of notifications from where he'd been neglecting it since he'd left the hospital, but that wasn't what he was looking for at the moment. However they did help him in his endeavors.

Nothing went untouched. He went through every single thing on his phone, messages, pictures, twitter, old voicemails, anything to try and trigger something from his memory. And after all, a phone could say a lot about a person. Delirious was learning a lot, which was good, but he was a little upset because he wasn't able to recollect anything. He had more twitter followers than anticipated, which nearly made his heart stop, and when he saw all the banter, all the witty remarks and smart ass comments he and his friends made with each other, he immediately felt sad. Those were just more relationships he would have to mend.

His stomach growled furiously, reminding him that it had been three days since he'd eaten. Evan left him meals outside the door, but he was too stubborn to get them, too proud. He never left the bed. So he went hungry for the time he remained in here. However, he made it a mental note to go and get some food once he was sure Evan was in bed. He wasn't sure why, but avoiding the younger man seemed to be in his best interest for now. After that fight, after what he said, he felt like an asshole. All he wanted was to finish going through his phone, get rid of this frustration he was feeling, but he knew he wouldn't be able to as long as his memory was gone.

It was late when Jonathan decided to finally go on youtube. He had saved this for last, because he knew it would be the most significant. The texts and tweets didn't help much, but maybe these videos would. Maybe they would trigger something. However, he knew that was only wishful thinking, but he could only hope and pray that it would do _something_. Seven hundred videos, and almost six million subscribers, and he couldn't even remember how he got there. His channel was popular and growing, and he hadn't even done a face reveal. It surprised him to say the least, how successful he was, and now, he might have to go on a hiatus. Of course, Vanoss had been uploading back up videos for him, but it was old content, it wasn't genuine.

Delirious scrolled through his videos, seeing all the let's plays and garry's mod, and grand theft auto. There were so many, and he couldn't believe that he had gotten to this point with Evan by his side. The older man was emotionless as he continued to look through everything. Ultimately, he felt slightly overwhelmed by all of this. He could feel his lungs begin to struggle for air, and he had to remind himself to stay calm. This was research; these were memories, they were his past. He looked at all of his friend's channels too, checking out their subscriber count, some of there videos... But he saved Vanoss' channel for last, wanting to watch videos of them together just to see if it did something.

Evan's voice was warm in his ear as he put his headphones on, settling on a far cry video of just the two of them. It had ten million views, so it had to have been worth watching. His blue eyes studied the screen, and listening hard to Vanoss speak. _"This is all I know how to do, look, watch."_ Vanoss' voice played through the headphones and Jon watched as Evan's character proceeded to throw rocks. His own laugher filled his ears, and there was a feeling inside of him that he didn't know quite how to explain. Nostalgia? But how could that be if he couldn't remember these moments. Evan's voice was electricity, running through his veins, clear that they lost their selves when they played.

 _"Will you quit throwin' rocks at me!?"_

 _"Let me hide behind you, I'm hiding behind you!"_

 _"Help Vanoss! He bit my dick!"_

 _"It's a bear versus a tiger! Holy shit!"_

 _"You just killed the shop guy! What the fuck!?"_

 _"Delirious!"_ Their voices were comforting, enticing, exciting and Jonathan found himself laughing at times. It was obvious they had a good time together when they played, and he found himself watching video after video, until finally, he noticed the tears on his face; his clear blue eyes burning with the melancholy sadness that rested within him. He had so many feelings, so many questions. Why couldn't he just remember? His chest hurt, it was filled with the bouts of anxiety that often plagued him, until he was too sad to watch any more videos. Maybe this was a bad idea after all.

He shut off youtube and sat up in bed. The clock read three in the morning, but he had never felt so tired yet so awake at the same time. Jonathan knew he needed to talk to Evan, needed to say something. The younger man's laughter could be heard in the spare bedroom, so Delirious assumed he was recording at the moment, or at least playing something. He knocked on the door, and leaned up against the wall waiting for his fiancé. Footsteps could be heard shuffling against the door, and as soon as Evan opened it, Delirious couldn't control his tears. "I'm sorry..." He managed to get out, his voice cracking, breaking, letting all his weakness infiltrate to the surfaces.

Alarmed, Evan's eyes widened, "It's okay Jonathan." He spoke, his voice shaky, and his dark eyes only widened more when Jonathan wrapped his arms around his torso, squeezing him tight. He let himself succumb to the older man, and hugged him back; hands roaming over his back, feeling the fabric of the shirt he wore. "It's okay..." He repeated, just wanting the man to feel better. And what Jonathan said next, utterly shocked Evan, and he didn't know what to say, think, or do.

"Can we play far cry?"

The asian man only nodded, "Of course..."


	12. The Monthly Check Up

Vanoss watched with careful eyes as Delirious tried with all his might to piece back together the life he was living before the accident. It was hard to say the least, but he let the older man go at it on his own in hopes that his memory would come back. Of course, he was there for support, but Evan was learning to be less selfish and so involved. He was okay with letting Jonathan figure things out on his own. After all, how else would he relearn his life? They made up from their fight, and both of them were working more as a team now, rather than one over the other. Jonathan was very thankful for that. And he was glad he didn't have to go through this alone.

"I'm gonna head to the store, you want anything?" Evan would ask.

Or Delirious would ask, "What do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Want to play some games?"

"How did you sleep last night?"

He had established another daily routine because he knew he needed something concrete and sure in his life at the moment. It ranged from waking up in the morning, cooking breakfast, he would do household chores of some sort, and then he would watch Vanoss play games and edit his videos. Slowly but surely he was getting his life back in order, and even if he couldn't remember anything, he was still learning, and that was what's most important to him. That's how Jonathan was learning things again too, learning his friend's names and their voices, and just other little things about him. Then he would cook dinner, or he and Evan would go out to eat, and they would come home and go to bed.

Old pictures, tweets, and videos became his best friends. Jonathan spent a lengthy amount of time going through each thing, or watching a few videos a day. They were helping a lot, and he was hoping that maybe they would increase his chance of his memory coming back. Evan helped him with that too, finding important tweets or comments or messages. They would work together as a team to uncover important information. And as always, Vanoss was there to answer any questions that his fiancé might have had about anything to avoid confusion.

"And Mini Ladd is...?" Evan trailed off.

"Craig." Jonathan answered with a nod.

"Moo Snuckel?"

"Brock." He answered again. "God, I can't wait to talk to them again..."

"You will, soon." Evan would always make him feel better about these little sessions. He had joked about making flash cards or small games to help Jonathan remember stuff. But every day it was question and answer, and Evan would do the best he could to help Delirious understand everything and not make him so confused. Whatever they were doing, it seemed to be working for now. "You're doing great, let's keep practicing." He was a great source of encouragement, and again, Jonathan was so thankful for the asian man.

As weeks turned into a month, his house was finally starting to feel like a home, and because of that, Jonathan found it easier to sleep in the bedroom by himself. And he was learning where things were kept and placed. It was getting easier with time went on, and both Jonathan and Evan were grateful for that. As for his relationship with Evan, it was beginning to progress too. Jonathan was learning more and more about the man with the more time they spent together. They played video games occasionally, and Delirious liked to think of the younger man as a friend, even though they were technically still engaged to one another despite the accident.

Between doctor's appointments, video games, visits with Luke, and trying to remember things, Delirious' life began to feel somewhat normal again. Even though it had only been a little over a month, the improvements between he and Evan were astounding. Maybe the younger man was right about them after all, maybe they would actually be able to pull through this instead of avoiding each other. He knew he just needed to keep being positive about things, and in the end they would work out. There had definitely been a change in attitude since the first day he had come home, and both he and Evan were thankful for that.

"Everything looks good," The doctor spoke as he shined a small line in the older man's eyes, observing and checking for any abnormalities. It was Jonathan's monthly check up since the accident, and he and Vanoss were seated in a room at the hospital, waiting to be done with it. So far, everything was turning out to be okay. "And you feel alright?" He continued to ask.

Jonathan nodded, "I feel okay." He answered. "You know, I still get frustrated about certain things, but Evan is helping me."

"That's great to hear!" The doctor smiled. "And your memory recollection?"

Jonathan shook his head in reply, "Nothing yet, but I'm really trying." His blue eyes darted to the doctor, then back to Evan, then to the doctor again. "Is that normal? Do people usually have their memory back by now?" He asked, feeling his heartbeat quicken again.

"Well nothing is really normal when it comes to the brain, and like I said before, there was no guarantee of the memory coming back." The doctor explained. "But you're improving significantly Jonathan. Just keep doing what you're doing, and we'll remain hopeful. I'll see you guys next month, hopefully with some memories." He smiled, jotting a few things down on the man's chart before leaving the room.

Jonathan sighed and stood up, looking over at Evan, "Well, at least I'm okay." He smiled.

Evan stood up as well, "You ready to go home?" He inquired.

"Actually..." The older man trailed off. "I was thinking maybe, we could, you know, go do something?" He asked; the feeling of butterflies lingering in his stomach. He had had this idea in his head for a while, but had yet to work up the courage to actually go through with it. He didn't know why, but now seemed like the perfect time to go through with his plan. Evan had been so supportive and nice, Jonathan assumed maybe he should reward him with something. And what better reward would be than a date? He had improved a lot, so what harm would this be? Plus, it would help the building of their lost relationship.

"Like...?"

"Like a date." Jonathan finished.

Evan's eyes went wide, "Jon... We don't have to, if you're not ready-"

"Are you rejecting me?" Delirious joked with a grin. "Bitch."

Evan's smile widened, "Don't call me a bitch, bitch."

"So is that a yes?"

"Of course."


	13. Second First Date

The doctor's appointment had been early in the morning, so the boys had the whole day ahead of them to go on their first date, all over again. When they exited the doctor's office, Delirious drove. That was another thing that made him feel even remotely normal these days. And Evan didn't mind letting him be in control of the car, in fact, since the accident, the younger man was a bit afraid of getting behind the wheel again. So he merely rode in the passenger seat, and watched Delirious do his thing. He wasn't sure where Jonathan was going to take him, but honestly, it didn't even matter. As long as they were together, he would be content.

"Tell me about our first date." Delirious spoke, breaking the silence between them as they drove. He still felt a little sad that he wasn't able to remember these memories on his own, but he loved hearing Evan talk about them. That was something he had come to enjoy over this time since the accident. Evan spoke so excitedly, yet gentle at the same time. His words were filled with love and affection, and Jonathan absolutely ate them up every single time.

The asian man adjusted in his seat, and recollected the events that took place on their first date. "It was about a week after I saw you in person for the first time," He began. "And I was getting ready to fly back home, until I finally said fuck it and asked you out." He smiled while talking about it, and Delirious couldn't help but to grin a little as well. "When you said yes... I went crazy. So I picked you up, and believe it or not I actually got you flowers." He laughed with a shake of his head.

"What kind of flowers?"

"Roses of course." Evan replied with a smile.

Jonathan laughed, "That sounds like you."

"You were wearing jeans and a button up shirt, and holy shit I remember I couldn't stop looking at you." He continued to describe and Jonathan swore he could see it in his head. "It was evening, so we went to dinner. A really nice restaurant and we ate until our stomachs hurt. After that we walked in the park and looked at the stars, and we just talked and talked for hours. It was a good first date." Evan finished, dark eyes glancing to the window to hide the nostalgia he was feeling. It also made him a little sad that Jonathan couldn't remember sometimes. But he pushed it aside for the sake of the older man and a sigh escaped him.

"It sounds like a good date." Jonathan replied, pulling the car into a small breakfast place.

"Does it bother you that you can't remember?" Evan inquired.

Jonathan nodded, "Yeah... A little, but it's getting better." He answered. "Especially since we get to make new memories together." He finished as he shut the car off and took his seatbelt off. At that sentence, Evan's heartbeat faltered if only slightly. He couldn't believe those words had actually left Jonathan's mouth, but he was glad they did, because that meant that the older man was giving him another chance. He wanted so desperately to ask him right there if the older man actually _liked_ him, but he refrained from doing so. They were on a date. That had to mean something, right? And he didn't want to push Jonathan any farther than he already was.

Their fingers brushed against one another's as they walked inside the diner, until Jonathan finally made a move and laced them together in a tightening grip. Evan could feel his face heating up as he looked to the older man and smiled. Something was happening, but he didn't know quite what it was yet. "Jonathan... You don't have to do that." Evan spoke as they found a small booth to themselves. He didn't want the man to rush just because of his own needs; that was very selfish of Evan. He wanted Jonathan to act on his own impulses, not be influenced by Evan's.

"It's alright." Jonathan waived it off, a toothy grin striking his features. "We're on a date, remember?"

"Right." Evan replied, trying to ignore his pounding heart and the butterflies in his stomach. He didn't want to get his hopes up just yet. After all, it was one measly date. However, one date could be the difference in everything. But he doubted that Jonathan was in love with him, right now, at this very moment. He would need more time, and he was willing to give all the time necessary. "I just don't want you to feel pressured, yeah?" He continued as they looked over the menus to order their breakfast.

"I don't." Jonathan answered. "I just really wanted to hold your hand."

Evan looked up from the menu only to find Jonathan's blue eyes piercing him, a beautiful white smile adorning his face, so he smiled back. "I like this first date Jonathan." He concluded, and went back to ordering his food. And so their date went on. They both ordered all you can eat pancakes and bacon, and ate until their stomachs could hold no more food. It was a little after noon when they finished eating, but by all means the date was nowhere near over. They watched a movie, a comedy that had them laughing so hard they almost got kicked out of the theatre. Jonathan felt happy, hell, it was probably the happiest he had been since the accident happened, and it was because of Evan. The younger man was the pure reason for his happiness, and he was glad.

"Did you see that fucking guy?" Delirious laughed as they walked out of the theatre, tears brimming his eyes from laughing so much.

"Yeah," Evan nodded with an all white smile as he felt Jonathan grab his fingers once more. God, he had missed the feeling of him. The lack of physicality had really taken a toll on him since the accident, and he didn't realize how thirsty he was for Jonathan's affection he actually was. Nevertheless, it felt like a god send to be here with Jonathan, on their second first date, and them actually digging on each other. It was a perfect day, turning into what was going to be the perfect night.

"You want to drive?" Jon asked and Evan nodded, taking the keys from the older man. It was a lovely evening, the temperature still quite fair, passing clouds as the sun began to set in the never ending sky. So they drove and drove, enjoying the feeling of the wind whipping through the car windows and through their hair. They laughed and talked and listened to the radio and Jonathan continued to ask all his questions that he normally asked when they were together and alone like this. It was like they were getting to know each other all over again, and it felt amazing.

Jonathan couldn't help but to just stare at Evan with those blue eyes of his, and finally, when he looked at him, he actually felt _something_. He wasn't quite sure what it was, but he knew it was there. He could tell from the blushing, the butterflies, and every time Evan laughed, he felt like he'd gotten the breath knocked out of him. He struggled to breathe with each smile, each little gesture, and when they held hands... Oh when they held hands Jonathan about lost it each time. Was it like this the first time? Was he falling in love with Evan just after one fucking date? Maybe their attraction really was meant to be, because damn, it was strong and he didn't know what to do about it.

Evan found a secluded place as he drove, and he stopped there as the moon finally made its presence known. They walked and talked, and held hands and all was as it should be. It was no less than perfect. "Evan," Delirious spoke as the conversation finally stopped for a few moments. It was quiet and the moment was so right and rare. There had been something on his mind, and he had been so afraid to ask it earlier, but now, after a successful first date, he didn't feel scared anymore. And his curiosity was honestly getting the best of him. "Did we kiss on the first date?" It was a simple question, and left him in an exhale as his heartbeat picked up. He was anticipating the answer.

A chuckle left Vanoss, "Actually no, we didn't."

They stopped walking, and Jonathan turned to his fiancé, hesitation on his lips. Maybe if they kissed, he would remember... At least, that was a thought that was taunting him. "Can I?" Another simple question, "Kiss you?" He continued and Evan couldn't even form words, so all he did was nod as the taller man rendered closer to him. It felt as though time stopped for a moment as their lips drew nearer to one another. Hands cupping faces and wrapping around their bodies. The stars and moon clearly became one and his breath was hot and filled with nervousness. Until finally, a short and sweet kiss managed to take place. And Delirious saw nothing but bright lights and everything that was Evan. But his memory had failed him once more.

Their noses brushed against each other's, lips still dangerously close, and their eyes opened slowly. Jonathan's baby blues were cloudy, like a storm was brewing in them. Evan grinned crookedly, the lack of space between them so enticing. "You call that a kiss?" He inquired, his voice low, making Jonathan laugh, before pulling him closer once more and allowing their lips to meet again. They mingled and danced, teeth clashing, tongues swirling, and Jonathan knew right then and there that he was in trouble. He was in trouble, because he knew he was falling in love with this man already.


	14. Happy Again

Luke's dark eyes narrowed as he watched Jonathan move about the kitchen while he prepared dinner. He was light on his feet, graceful even. There was something fluid in his movements, the way he swung his hips, or hummed to himself as he stirred whatever he was cooking on the stove excitedly. That bright smile never left his plump lips as he continued his ministrations of cooking, and Luke was amused to say the least. Evan had stepped out to go work out at the gym a little bit ago, but he had also wanted to give Luke and Delirious their privacy. They hadn't spoken to each other in a week or so, so he knew they needed some one on one time together to talk about current things.

"Alright," Cartoonz started, sitting up in the chair he was in. "What's up?" He asked with a smile

Jonathan turned around to look at the older man, "What?" He inquired, leaning against the counter.

Luke chuckled, "Why're you dancin' around the kitchen being all happy and shit?"

This time it was Delirious who laughed and he turned around and went back to his cooking. "Damn, am I not allowed to be happy?" He laughed through his words as he stirred the pot on the stove once more. He really liked messing with Luke, and he wasn't going to let this opportunity slip by. "Some friend you are," He continued to joke, causing Luke to scoff. "Asshole." He chuckled.

"You know what I mean." He replied as he rolled his eyes. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"Jonathan."

Jonathan sighed, "We went on a date the other night..." He trailed off, talking while not being able to make eye contact with his best friend. He focused on cooking a little more diligently while he let Cartoonz process the information. He wasn't embarrassed about it or anything like that, he just honestly didn't want Luke to make a big deal about the date with Vanoss, because it shouldn't have to be a big deal. They were just two normal people, going on a date and falling in love with each other, at least, that's how Jonathan wanted to look at it. However, their circumstances were anything but normal, and that was the sad truth.

But ever since that date a few nights ago, Delirious was unexplainably happy. He had a little more pep in his step, he smiled a little more than normal, and that warm feeling in his tummy just wouldn't go away. He felt flush all the time, and whenever he looked at Evan, he nearly lost it each time. They had already discussed a second date, and that also made him pretty happy to say the least. His life was slowly but surely getting back to normal, and Evan was so much help with that. But who knew that he would catch feelings for him again so quickly? It was a surprise to both of them, but hell, they weren't complaining.

"For real?" Luke questioned.

Jonathan nodded, "It was nice... I felt normal."

"Who asked who?" Cartoonz asked.

"I didn't really ask, we kind of just went..." He trailed off, and he could feel his heartbeat begin to quicken as he started to talk about the date and answer all Luke's questions. He was so glad the older man was being so supportive and genuinely curious about everything. Jonathan explained how he was feeling, and how they were planning on taking things as slowly as possible. Luke was pleased to hear that. "And then we kissed at the end of the night... And I swear to god Luke, I felt _something_. Like, I know that might sound dumb but it's the truth. It was like a knew him." He finished as he finally turned around to look at the man sitting across from him.

Cartoonz grinned, "Well, that explains why you're actin' all giddy."

"Am I crazy?"

Luke shook his head, smile never leaving his face. "Crazy in love."

"You really think so?" Delirious questioned.

The older man nodded, "This is exactly how you were last time, I swear."

"I hope that's a good thing." Jonathan said.

"Me too."

Delirious went back to cooking dinner, noticing it was almost done. He and Luke exchanged comfortable conversation until they heard keys jingling in the front door, and the sound of Evan walking inside. "Jon, I'm home!" He called out, and Luke wagged his eyebrows at Jon while the other man gave him the middle finger. This was the kind of torture he'd have to endure now that the man knew of their reestablished relationship.

"In the kitchen!" Jonathan yelled out in reply, and soon enough Evan came walking in, giving a quick hello to Luke. "I hope you're hungry." Jonathan said as he turned off the stove and began to get plates and other miscellaneous items out of the cabinets. "I made a lot of food..." He continued, setting the table. Evan merely nodded and helped his fiancé set the table. Once that was done, the three of them ate dinner together, talked about different things like youtube and new games that were being released, or Jonathan's upcoming doctor's appointments. Dinner was nice, and Evan was glad that Luke and Jonathan were able to catch up. However, when dinner was over, the older man excused himself, insisting he had to leave.

Evan helped Jonathan do the dishes and clean up the house before they readied for bed. "We should invite Luke over more often." The asian man said as he stacked the clean dishes into the cabinets. "It's nice." He continued.

Jonathan nodded, "Yeah, he likes coming over here."

"Did you guys have a good talk?" Evan continued to ask, and Jonathan only nodded, not really wanting to go into detail about what exactly they spoke about. "That's good." He added, enjoying the small chit chat they were able to take advantage of as they cleaned. Once they got done cleaning, they settled on watching a movie until they grew tired. It rained that night, and that last thing Jonathan was able to remember was being carried to bed by Evan. He must have fallen asleep on the couch, because he could feel Evan's giant arms wrapping around him and gently packing him up the stairs. He didn't mind though, and if he was being honest with himself, he wished Evan would have crawled into bed right beside him.


	15. Falling In Love

Delirious concluded that he liked going on dates with Vanoss. The second date was even better than the first if that were even possible. They went to a nearby zoo, walking hand in hand enjoying the different sights of the animals. Jonathan had almost forgotten what it was like to be a kid again. And after the zoo, they went for dinner and ice cream at some fast food joint. As long as they were together, that was all that mattered. And Delirious made Evan tell him every detail about their first second date, because he enjoyed hearing about them. When they finally got home, they were exhausted, and went to bed almost immediately.

After that date, they went out so often that Jonathan lost track of what date they were on. Of course, he still made Evan tell him stories of the previous dates they had went on before the accident just so he could learn about his lost memories. Whether it be making out in movie theatres, or just gazing at the stars and being together with each other, each date was recreated with lots of effort, because Evan wanted Jonathan to remember. The older man still had no improvements with his memory even with the old videos and stories and everything Evan was telling him. But that didn't hinder them, they still remained faithful and had hope for it to come back.

It had been about a month and a half since the accident when Jonathan began playing with the guys again. He started off slowly, playing with just Evan and one other person because he didn't want to be overwhelmed. But pretty soon, the gang was all back together playing their prop hunt and grand theft auto and what not. Jonathan had learned their names and voices and somewhat of their personality through the older videos, and he used that to his advantage until he really knew them again. It was so great, they welcomed him with open arms, and for now, playing with them would be enough. There was no need for face to face interaction.

"We missed you Delirious." Nogla said.

"And your laugh," Moo added.

Jonathan only chuckled, "I missed you guys too."

And with playing with the rest of the guys again, he felt more normal than ever. Evan helped him edit his videos so that they were better than ever, and pretty soon, he was back to posting regular content with the guys, and Jonathan was even able to do some lets plays just by himself. It was almost as if his life before the accident was falling perfectly back into place. He no longer felt frustrated or angry because of his memory loss. He was growing with it, learning to cope, and if he was being honest with himself, it really helped him grow as a person. But Evan was there every step of the way, and so was Luke, and now that Jon was playing with his other friends, they were there for him as well, and answered any questions that he had.

"You guys really were inseperable." Moo said into the skype call as he and Jonathan played some grand theft auto together. Evan was out at the store picking up some things for dinner. They were going to have a night in since it had been rainy and cold all day. The bipolar weather in North Carolina was often a pain in the ass. But instead of sulking about it, they were going to make do with what they had.

"Really?" Jonathan asked, listening intently to Brock's words.

"We all had to talk Evan into asking you out when you guys met in person..." He laughed, "He was so afraid you would turn him down."

Delirious let a laugh slip, "He never told me that you guys had to push him."

"I mean, he probably would have asked you eventually... But we were all tired of him not doing it." The older man continued to talk, pressing buttons on the controller. "So how are things anyway? Are you guys okay?" He continued to ask, being considerate of his friends. After all, they were all excited and ready for the wedding, but then the accident had happened, pushing it back farther.

"We're good." Jonathan replied. "I mean, I can tell he kind of wants to pick up the pace... But I really like taking things slow. It's nice, falling in love again, especially since I can't remember the first time it happened." He finished with a laugh.

"So you love him?" Brock inquired.

"Yeah, I do."

"Have you told him that?" The older man asked once more.

"It's too soon... And then maybe if I tell him now, he'll want to rush and get married... I don't want to rush. I mean, not that I think Evan would do that, but you never know. Like I said before, it feels nice taking things slow." He explained to Brock, "And when this accident stuff was still new to us, we fought about dumb stuff, and I don't want that to happen again just because of the wedding. I'll tell him when I feel like it's the right time." He finished.

"Just don't lead him on, yeah? Evan can get crazy about stuff like that." Brock said.

"I know." Delirious nodded. After all, he didn't want Evan to doubt his love for him. Hell, after all the dates they had been on already, Jonathan was sure he was in love with Evan, he was sure he loved him, and he was sure he wanted to be with him, share his life with him. But it had only been two months since the accident, and you can't just cram three years into two months. It wasn't right. He wanted to make more memories, learn more things, and really experience what it was like to fall in love again since he couldn't remember exactly how it happened the first time. So far, it was great, but he wanted it to last a bit longer before he settled and got married.

Evan returned home soon after Jonathan got off skype with Moo with an armful of groceries. "I'm cooking tonight," He insisted as Jonathan watched him from his position at the counter. His baby blues followed the asian man everywhere as he put the groceries away. Tonight, Evan wanted to impress his fiancé, do something romantic and special for the man.

"Are you sure you can?" Jonathan joked.

"Hey," Evan scoffed. "I cooked for myself perfectly fine before we lived together."

"And now look at you, you're spoiled." Jonathan laughed.

"Well don't spoil me then." He winked as he got the ingredients out for tonight's dinner. "So what'd you do while I was gone?"

Delirious sighed, "Played with Brock for a while, talked about some stuff." He answered honestly. "Which reminds me, I have another question for you."

"Go ahead."

He was hesitant before asking the question that had been lingering in his mind since he'd gotten off the Skype call with Brock. "How long were we together before we told each other that we loved each other... And who said it first?" It left his lips in a soft, vulnerable voice. But he just wanted to know if everything he was feeling right now was normal, as long as they were justified, they'd be okay. "I've just been wondering about it... And we haven't talked about it yet." He continued.

"It was about four months, and I said it first." Vanoss answered. "Why?" He inquired, not looking up from his cooking stuff.

"Just wondering..." Jonathan trailed off.

Evan laughed, "Okay weirdo." But he knew why Jonathan asked that question. It was because he knew that Jonathan was falling in love with him, and he was afraid.


	16. It Was Only a Dream

"Okay, so maybe you _can_ cook." Jonathan laughed as he finished his dinner that Evan had prepared for them.

"See? I'm not so helpless after all." Evan grinned as he cleaned his and Jonathan's plates from the table. Dinners together at home had always been something that Evan had enjoyed. He and Jonathan always found something new to talk about at the table. "Are you ready for dessert?" He inquired as he stood up, sending a wink Jon's way.

"You made dessert!?" Jonathan asked incredulously. "I feel like I'm gonna explode!"

Evan laughed, "Don't worry, you'll be alright." He said before heading to the kitchen with the dirty dishes in hand. He returned momentarily with a homemade cheesecake in hand, knowing it was Jonathan's favorite. He learned the recipe just for this purpose, and felt accomplished at just how well it had turned out. And when he saw Jonathan's baby blues light up when he returned, he knew it was well worth the learning experience.

"Holy shit!" The older man exclaimed. "You made cheesecake!?"

"Only for you." The asian man grinned, and they ate until they could eat no more. Once their meal was finally done and over with, they helped each other clean up the kitchen and did the dishes, (which only ended up in a soap bubble fight), and they cleaned that up too, along with the dining room before settling on the couch together for an action movie marathon. They loved having nights in, dinner and movies, or dinner and video games. It was a nice way they liked to spend their time they had together. Jonathan especially enjoyed nights like these. Where it was just he and Evan alone together, the public eye unaware of their domestic life. It felt more intimate that way, a better setting where they could just really connect and reconnect with each other.

He couldn't really focus on the movie all that much either, lights dimmed down, he felt relaxed, and the only thing Jonathan _could_ concentrate on was the immaculate man sitting beside him. Warmth radiated off his tanned skin, and his hot flesh pressed against Jonathan's so nicely. Nimble fingers traced small patterns, hot breath mingled on the nape of his neck, and the older man was in heaven. He couldn't believe they had gotten this far with their relationship in such this short amount of time. Two months had gone by in the blink of eye, and Delirious was already so head over heels in love that it was almost uncanny.

He didn't want Vanoss to think he was rushing, he didn't want Vanoss to _rush_ him. Slow and steady was the way he wanted to take things, and by the way things were working out, it looked like he was going to get his way. Evan was so careful with him, so concise, and one could tell the love was there. It had always been there, Delirious was just too overwhelmed to see it, too frightened by his own emotions to grasp the mere concept of love. But now, everything was clear. He loved Evan, he wanted to be with Evan, and in the future, he wanted to marry him. They were meant to be together.

"You better not fall asleep." Evan warned, pulling the older man out of his thoughts.

Jonathan chuckled, "I won't."

"You better not." The younger man smiled, before letting his hand slide over Jonathan's and squeezing it tight. Butterflies swarmed his stomach immediately. It baffled him that a single touch had the ability to do that, and the small smile never left his lips the whole time the movie played. By the time the credits were rolling, both of them were yawning back and forth, and Jonathan was growing sleepy. Evan seemed to notice that his fiancé was growing tired, "You sleepy?" He inquired, raising a brow before turning his head to look at the beautiful man.

"Only a little." Delirious grinned sleepily, his baby blues watering from the yawn, making them sparkle in the low light. He stood up, stretching his stiff muscles. "I think I'm gonna head to bed, alright?" He said, looking down at the smaller man. They didn't sleep in the same bed yet, it was too early for that, too soon, too fast, and as much as Jonathan would love for Evan to spoon him, he wasn't going to take the risk of going too far.

Evan nodded, "Yeah, goodnight Jon."

"Goodnight Evan."

"I love you." It left his lips before he could stop it, and he could quickly feel his cheeks heating up. "I'm sorry, it's a habit." The asian man rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as he finally made eye contact with his fiancé who wasn't really his fiancé. It was still a new concept, he was still getting used to it, but of course, so was Jonathan. "Sorry." He said again.

Jonathan smiled, "It's okay Evan, I know."

"Goodnight." Evan replied as he watched Jonathan head upstairs. His head felt heavy when he went to lie down, so he took some of his prescribed medication hoping it would help him sleep. The tiredness hit him like a ton of bricks because within a matter of minutes he was drifting in and out of consciousness and sleep was taking over his body. What happened next though, not even he had anticipated. He could see flashing lights, hear car horns blasting in and out of his ears, and the sound of glass shattering along with _Evan_ frantically screaming his name in helplessness. Was he dreaming about the accident? It couldn't be possible, could it?

 _"Evan!"_ A gasp of air escaped his lungs, and Jonathan sat up in bed quickly, giving him an immediate head rush. The _dream_ was so real, so terrifying, and he wasn't sure what to think. Could it have been real? He hadn't even been asleep for long, but the cold sweat covered his body, and he knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep any time soon.

The moment Evan heard Jonathan yelling his name, he jumped up from the couch and practically ran up the stairs. "Jon, you okay?" He was out of breath by the time he reached their bedroom door, and he stood there, leaning against the door frame, unsure of whether to go in the bedroom or not. "Jon?" He inquired again, and the older man turned to look at him as he sat in their bed, and his eyes were so bloodshot, so _tired_ , and Evan could feel his heart breaking with each second of silence between them.

"It was just a bad dream,"

"You want to talk about it?"

"No." Jonathan's voice was firm, but then faltered, "Just stay with me?"

Evan nodded, "Yeah." He answered, before crawling into bed with the older man.


	17. A New Morning Routine

When Delirious awoke the next morning, it was to the sound of a gentle snore, and strong arms wrapped around his torso. It took him a moment to recollect the events that had happened the previous night, and when he finally did, he was still a little in shock to say the least. The dream felt so real... Was it real? He would only knew if he asked Evan, and he didn't want to do that. He didn't want to freak the younger man out or worry him anymore than he already was. Jonathan sighed, this couldn't get any easier, could it?

However, just the sight of Evan made Jonathan forget his troubles immediately. The younger man stirred beside him, snoring a bit more than usual, and Jonathan couldn't help but to chuckle quietly at him. He was so cute when he slept. The way his pink lips were slightly parted as he inhaled and exhaled, the way he laid all curled up with his long limbs barely draped over Jonathan's larger frame. However, the older man knew immediately that this was something he could get used to; after all, waking up next to Evan was not a bad way to wake up, that was definitely for sure.

Suddenly, Evan's dark eyes opened, and his squinted from the protruding sunlight in the bedroom. A grin adorned his face, "Morning." His voice was thick with sleep and it sent shivers down Jonathan's spine and made his heart melt inside his ribcage. _Oh yeah_ , this was definitely something he could get used to. Just them, alone together, sharing the space of their king sized bed in the early morning hours. There was something oddly intimate about it; not just the bed, but also the early morning hours. It was just _quiet_ and serene, and everything he could ever want. This is how he wanted to spend his mornings.

"Morning." Jonathan replied, his voice too raspy from sleep, but also from screaming the night before.

"Have you been awake long?" The asian man inquired, and Jonathan merely shook his head. "Good." He added with a yawn, stretching his stiff muscles. And that was all that was said between them. They didn't talk about Delirious' dream, or nightmare rather, hell, they didn't talk about anything at all. They just laid there entangled in each other in the big bed, sharing their warmth between them. Evan had almost forgotten was it was like just to be _here_ with Jonathan, just like this. It made his heart swell with love for the man he was in love with. It was too much.

He had almost forgotten just how soft Jon's pale skin was, he had almost forgotten the warm flesh and how good he smelled when it was just the two of them, alone, and together like this. He had missed the physical aspects of their relationship so much, and not just sex either. He missed the gentle eskimo kisses in the morning, the late night cuddles and them huddling together for warmth. He missed being able to just hold Jonathan's hand because he felt like it, the way their fingers interlaced with each other's so acutely. Evan missed it all, but he would be patient, he would keep it together for his fiancé's sake, at least, he hoped he could.

And this became a daily routine of some sort for them. Not only did Jonathan's nightmares continue, but he was pretty sure they were getting worse with the more frequently they happened. Evan found himself crawling into bed with his fiancé more often. It got to the point where Jonathan didn't even have to ask anymore, sometimes Evan would just go to bed with him when he did. Not that he minded that of course, he just didn't like the fact that Delirious was doing this to himself. He didn't like the fact that he was hiding stuff from him. They told each other everything, so to say Evan felt betrayed was definitely an understatement.

Vanoss didn't want to say things were normal again just because they were sleeping in the same bed, because things were anything _but_ normal. Nearly every single night for the next month, Evan would hear Jonathan crying, sobbing, or screaming, and then he would find himself in their bed, the older man's head resting on his chest, and he'd be shushing or lulling him back to sleep. If he was feeling bold, maybe a kiss or two, but that was it, until Jonathan fell back asleep. After that, the asian man would wrap his arms around Jonathan's torso in a vice grip, afraid if he let go then maybe he would just vanish. However, a part of Evan was actually afraid, terrified, and worried dearly about Jon. Were dreams like these normal after an accident like theirs? He didn't think so.

And sometimes, when Jonathan wasn't crying, screaming, or sobbing, he was giggling, talking, smiling, all in his sleep. That only brought more worry to Evan. Of course, he was glad he wasn't having the nightmares as frequently, but still, vivid dreams like that were not normal. Every morning when Delirious woke up, he would tell Evan good morning, and Evan would ask him if he wanted to talk about it. The older man would always shake his head, "I'm okay Evan, don't worry about me." He would say that, or something along those lines and Evan would sigh.

"Well, whenever you're ready, I'm here to talk, okay?"

"I know." Jonathan would answer before silence in the morning ensued. They had this talk every morning for nearly a month, and it was driving the younger man to insanity. Why wouldn't Delirious just talk to him? It hurt him more than anything to know that Jon was hurting and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. But he didn't want to push him, didn't want to fight, so he played the waiting game.

"It's kind of freaking me out to be honest." Vanoss explained on the phone to Luke one day about Jonathan's dreams. "And you're sure he hasn't said anything to you about them? Like not even a hint or anything?" He continued to question as they spoke on the phone. Delirious was currently upstairs in the bedroom asleep, the nightmares having taken a toll on his body. He had been very sleep deprived since they began, so Evan let him sleep while he could as much as necessary. After all, he didn't need the dreams affecting his health more than they already did.

"I'm positive." Luke answered.

"Fuck," Evan shook his head. "If he keeps having them, I'm going to call his doctor and ask about them." They'd been going to regular check ups anyway, but every time they went, Jonathan failed to mention the dreams that he was having. Evan didn't want to link them to the accident, but honestly, what else could be causing them?

"That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea." Luke finished. "I wonder why he's been hiding them."

"Me too." Evan sighed, and he hoped and prayed that Jonathan would tell him the truth soon before he went crazy.


	18. Dreams Are Real

"I'm gonna go lie down, yeah?" Delirious' voice was quiet and Evan turned to face him as he was doing the dishes. They had just finished dinner and were going to play a game or something together, but Jonathan had been complaining of a small annoying headache during their meal. Headaches were something that happened a lot lately. It had been another day where the two were taking it easy if you will. Ever since Jonathan's nightmares and dreams had begun, the two hadn't done much because the older man was always so tired. They spent most of their time at home, playing games, watching movies, eating dinner alone with each other. It was nice being as it was just them together, but Evan knew that as of lately, Delirious wasn't himself.

Evan nodded, eyebrows meshed in worry, "Yeah, okay." He turned back to the sink to continue washing the dishes lost in thought, when he felt the presence of his fiancé behind him. The older man towered over him a little bit, and wrapped his arms around Vanoss' waist, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, and then to his lips. It was sudden, intense, and the small gesture nearly made Evan's heart explode. When they separated, Evan couldn't help but to grin a little as he found Jonathan's eyes. "What was that for?" He inquired, not being able to keep the smile off his face.

"You worry too much," Delirious sighed, before allowing their lips to connect again.

"Do you blame me?" Evan mumbled against his lips.

The kisses had become more frequent lately, as well as the small touches, gestures. The physicality of their relationship was coming back, slowly but surely. And that was a good sign, at least, Evan hoped it was a good sign. "Goodnight." Jonathan murmured before turning around and heading upstairs to the bedroom. He stopped at the stairs, giving his fiancé a longing look, before sighing and continuing up the stairs. There was so much going on in his head right now, he felt like he was going to combust.

"Night," The asian replied.

He'd been contemplating telling Evan that he _loved_ him for some time now. Even with everything that had been going on in their lives at the moment, he could feel it, it was there, and it was surfacing and ready to escape. He hadn't anticipated it to happen so fast, but it did, and he was glad that it did. After all, he just wanted his life to go back to normal as quickly as possible. But with the dreams, he wasn't sure what to do about the situation... And even if he did want to tell Evan that he loved him, just how in the world would he do it? Just come out with it? Would they go on a date? He just really didn't know.

As he crawled into the big bed, he couldn't help but to wonder just what he would dream about tonight. They varied if he were being honest with himself. One night it would be the accident, or a fight, and he'd be screaming in terror, sweating and gasping for breath. Other nights, he wasn't able to stop giggling or smiling because of the Evan in his dreams. It was odd and he was terrified. There had been no other situation like this, and that was what frightened him the most. He had tried doing research on his own, but the led to nothing. Unless, the dreams were just not real. But they had to be real, what other explanation could there be? However, Jonathan was so tired, that as soon as his head hit the pillows, he was instantly asleep. It wouldn't be long though until he woke from the too real dreams that he suffered from.

Once Evan finished cleaning up the mess from dinner, he received a text from a few of the guys asking if he was down to play some grand theft auto for a bit. He wasn't particularly tired, and it would be a few hours since Delirious woke up, so he reluctantly agreed. Hell, it wasn't such a bad idea to kill some time either. So before he headed into the office, he checked on Jonathan, making sure the man was asleep and all tucked in and what not. Once he was satisfied with that, he headed to his office to boot up his consoles and get skype running on his computer.

Jonathan's dream was too vivid, too real. It was like he was actually out beneath the stars with Evan in front of him. They were laughing, smiling, having a good time, and internally, he was thankful that tonight it was a good dream rather than a nightmare. It was cloudy, but the stars were out, and it was an unbearably hot summer night. _"What are we doin' out here in the middle of nowhere?"_ He could hear his own voice in the dream, followed by his goofy laughter.

And then it was Evan's turn to speak, _"Guess you'll just have to wait and find out."_

 _"Quit being a tease."_

It was so real, he could see it, he could hear it. The ring... The nervousness and hesitation, the way his heart stopped when he made eye contact with Evan. The dream was too much, too overwhelming and that's when he heard the asian man's words slow and steady, _"Jonathan, you bitch, please marry me."_

Delirious shot up out of bed almost as fast as he fell asleep, "Evan!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. He was short of breath, panting, and scared to death. Was that dream fucking real or was he just on one? It felt like he was there... He had to have been there. There was no way in hell that he could just be making these situations up, could he? The moment Vanoss heard his name being yelled, he didn't even hesitate to tell the guys that he had to go. In a matter of seconds he was out of the skype call and had everything else shut down. He immediately made his way to the bedroom that he shared with his fiancé. "Evan... Evan..." Jonathan was whimpering, almost crying, but not quite.

"What is it, Jon?" He inquired as he took in the sight before him.

"I need you." Jonathan said simply, his voice too unsteady, too unsure. That dream was so _fucking_ real and he didn't know what to do, he didn't have words for it. Evan merely crossed the room in a matter of seconds in a few long strides, and sat on the bed, taking Jonathan's face into his hands. It was the moments like these that really counted for something. Just knowing that he could provide support, love, protection, and whatever else that Delirious needed made the younger man's heart swell with love and joy. It was something he would never get sick of doing.

"I'm here, it's okay." Evan shushed.

"Tell me something." Jonathan spoke.

"Anything." Evan answered in a heartbeat.

"How was it when you proposed?" He inquired, wanting to humor himself and see if what he had been dreaming had been real this whole time. Plus, Evan deserved to know about the dreams eventually. So he listened and listened to Vanoss explain literally everything that had just occurred in his dreams. Every single detail matched up, it was like Jonathan was having deja vu or something along those lines. When Evan finished he was literally in shock.

"And I said, Jonathan, you bitch-"

"Please marry me." Delirious finished his sentence, leaving them both in shock. And as soon as those words left his mouth, Evan's head whipped and he was staring at Jonathan like he was a ghost. This was the first time he had ever heard the proposing story, so he did he know exactly what Evan was going to say. It was weird to both of them, but finally, Evan took a breath, and spoke, his voice shakier than it had ever been.

"How did you know that?" He inquired.

"I just dreamed about it." Jonathan answered honestly, finally revealing the inevitable truth after all this time.

Evan remained silent for a moment, "Dreamed?" He questioned, "Like you saw it?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing with his own ears as he sat here and got lost in the eyes of his fiancé. Was it even possible? He didn't know. But what he did know, is that Jonathan was able to recollect his memories through his dreams, which meant that he was _remembering_ their relationship. Immediately, tears filled his eyes and he pulled Jonathan into his arms squeezing him tight. "That means you can remember!" He nearly yelled. "Jonathan, you can remember!" It was overwhelming, complicated, but it was _something_ and they would take it.


	19. I Love You

Everything was a blur in that moment, it all happening way too fast for Jonathan's liking. But it was terrifyingly joyous to have these feelings, to have his memories filtering back through his dreams. And Evan pulled him close, and kissed him right then and there. Grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him hard. Their lips meshed so perfectly, and he knew, that this couldn't be anything more but love. He could feel the emotion, the adrenaline, the happiness, the rawness, the vulnerability radiating from his pink lips. But most importantly, he could feel fear, bubbling beneath the surface and itching to show itself. "What else have you seen?" Evan inquired, brown eyes melting into his fiancé.

"You really want me to tell you?" Delirious asked.

"Yes."

He sighed, recollecting his thoughts and trying to calm his composure before he spoke. "Everything." Jonathan breathed, and he explained everything in that moment between them. Of how he first dreamed of the accident, and then it was other things like their dates and the first time they fought, and the first time they made love. All the memories, all the love and euphoria that had been exchanged between them was too real, too overwhelming, and Jonathan knew right then and there that Evan loved him, and that he loved Evan. It was inevitable, they were meant to be. It had all filtered back to him through his dreams. "I saw it all Evan... It was incredible... And I didn't tell you because I was afraid." Jonathan explained. "I didn't know they were real."

"You should have just talked to me Jon." The asian replied.

"I know that now." Delirious said as he shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, please don't be sorry... You can remember, and that's all that's important right now." Evan said, finding his fiancé's hands and squeezing them tight. He would hold onto them and never let go. "I knew your memory would come back... Even if it did take a while." He grinned, pearly whites practically fluorescent in the dark room. Jonathan grinned as well and pulled Evan close again, the smell of him infiltrating his nostrils, but it was a scent that he would never grow tired of; a scent that was etched into his mind now and forever. He kissed him again, letting his tongue do the work, feeling his fiancé.

When he pulled away, he was breathless. Foreheads touching, noses brushing, hot lips breathing hot air, "And I have to tell you something." It was a whisper, his face feeling about a thousand degrees in that moment.

"What is it?" Evan questioned, his dark eyes never leaving Jonathan's hazy blue ones. The older man's breath was caught in his throat, his words stuck there, and for the first time in a long time, he felt incredibly nervous. His stomach felt like it was contorting and twisting, butterflies threatening to spill out at any given moment. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out, so he closed it and blushed. Evan only laughed, "Cat got your tongue?" He teased. Jonathan laughed, and pulled the younger man closer to him, his lips finding his ear. Vanoss heard nothing but nervous, hesitant breaths at first, so he listened harder, and finally, finally he heard the whisper that made his heart stop.

 _"I love you, Evan."_

Those four words struck him harder than they ever had before. Mostly because he didn't think he would ever hear them spill from Jonathan's beautiful lips ever again. The older man moved away from his ear to look at him, and Evan could barely make eye contact. He was crying. The tears were coming and they wouldn't stop. Of course, Jonathan wiped them as they fell, but this moment was too much to bear, too overwhelming, too sudden, and he just couldn't stop. And Delirious just watched in wonder, the wonder that four words could have on somebody; the impact, the meaning. It was life changing, abrupt, and the moment was long lived. "Did you really just say that?" The asian finally whispered as he looked at Jon.

The older man nodded, "I did."

"You mean it?"

"I do."

Evan smiled again, a light laugh escaping his lungs. "I love you too Jonathan... I love you so fucking much."

Delirious laughed his beautiful laugh, he laughed until he was crying, and they just held each other in the too big bed. Let their arms speak for them as they gripped tightly, squeezing, caressing, until the wee hours of the morning. They hadn't moved, they sat there, just like that, living in the moment, saying those special words over and over again, because if they were being honest with themselves, this moment didn't feel real at all. It felt like a dream, too hazy, too good to be true, something extraordinary that Evan didn't think he was good enough for. But it _was_ real, and it happened and was happening. Eventually, the two were able to finally get to sleep, falling into slumber whilst in each others arms.

When morning came, Evan was the first to wake. He was wrapped around Jonathan, embracing him, protecting him, as the older man continued to sleep. He truly was immaculate. Everything about him angel like, too graceful, too beautiful. Evan asked himself daily how he ended up this lucky. How somebody like him could end up with somebody like Delirious. But he thanked his lucky stars that he did, and he was grateful for it. His eye lashes touched his cheek when his eyes were closed, that was something Evan really loved about Jonathan when he slept. His lips were parted, and he was gorgeous. He leaned to kiss his forehead, and he saw the older man crack a small smile as his eyes fluttered open. "Good morning." He grinned, his voice thick with sleep.

"Morning," Vanoss replied.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Go for it."

"Was the first time like that?" Jonathan questioned. "The first time we said I love you?" He continued.

Evan shook his head as he sat up, "This time was better, I promise you... The first time we said it, it was fast. Like we were trying to prove a point. I mean, we did love each other, but we didn't have to say it." He explained it. "You haven't dreamt about it yet?" He inquired, looking over at his fiancé.

Delirious shook his head, laughing a bit, "Not yet." He paused for a moment, "So the wedding's back on, yeah?"

The younger man smiled, "Right after we get you to the doctor to make sure you're not crazy."

"I love you." Jonathan sighed.

"I know."


	20. The Start of Forever and More

**Author's Note: We have reached the end of this little fanfic, it was a lot of fun to write even though it took me forever to get it done. So thanks for reading and I'll see you all at the bottom!**

* * *

The scar still lingered there on his forehead, his cheek, and it would always remain. However, it looked a hell of a lot better now that it was all healed up and what not. Maybe it would stay there, not as a symbol of loss, like it was once before, but maybe now a symbol of gain; a symbol of strength. Jonathan couldn't take his eyes from it as he played around with his bow tie in the mirror. He had always hated those things, and he never really learned how to tie them either. He had to admit, a little make up would cover the scar, but he wasn't worried. On this day, he wanted Evan to see and take all of him, scar and all. He was thankful for everything in this moment right now.

Jonathan looked good, he had to confess. His tuxedo had fit him perfectly, hugging him in all the right ways, and he was happy, and he was healthy. The doctor had told him that it was all normal; rare at that, but normal. The dreams, the memories filtering through them, and the doctor told him that it was okay to be afraid. But Delirious would have every single one of his memories back by the end of the year, and that was good news to he and Vanoss both. After the doctor's visit, it didn't take long for he and Evan to put the rest of the wedding plans into place. They looked at venues, finished their tuxedo fittings, ordered flowers and food and all the other specific details until everything was just absolutely perfect to them.

Little than a month later, here they were in a tiny church, getting ready to be wed to each other. There were open windows and white walls, and it was a beautiful day in North Carolina. Jonathan was thankful that for once the weather was in his favor, because he wanted to remember this day for the rest of his life, as long as he lived. Nothing could compare to the happiness he felt radiating through his bones right there at that moment, preparing for his and Evan's ceremony. He continued to mess with his bow tie, mumbling a few curse words under his breath when he still couldn't tie it. He began fixing his hair when Luke burst into the dressing room, clad in a button down and some khaki pants.

"Come on princess, you don't want to keep everyone waiting, do ya?" He teased the other man as he shut the door behind him. "Your hair looks fine." He insisted with a small nonchalant grin.

Jonathan turned around to face him, still fiddling with the impossible fucking bow tie that couldn't be fixed. "Help?" He asked, uncertainty in his voice as he approached his almost brother. He was hot, skin flushed, butterflies swarming and attacking his gut. He felt like he would throw up at any given moment, because the nerves had just hit him like a ton of bricks. _He was getting married, right now, today._ And suddenly, the urge to throw up became more prominent as he felt Luke approaching him, hands reaching for the bow tie around his neck.

Cartoonz chuckled as he began messing with the bow tie as well, "You nervous?" He asked as he effortlessly tied the bow.

Jonathan sighed, "Can you tell?"

"Only a little." Cartoonz teased.

"Fuck..." Delirious shook his head.

"Relax." Luke put a hand on his back for comfort. "Doesn't everyone get nervous on their wedding day?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow to the other man. "Evan is a complete mess too." He laughed as he pat Jon's back. "You're fine, I promise you." He insisted. "Once you see him standing there, waiting for you, you won't be nervous anymore."

Jonathan laughed, "How the hell do you know all this?"

"I know everything asshole." He joked.

"I'm sure you do." He shook his head, "Well, I guess I'm ready." He said with a sigh, and Cartoonz led him out of the dressing room and to the altar where Evan was already in place and waiting for him. And Luke was right, as soon as Jonathan's baby blues met Evan, the nerves were completely gone, and they were replaced with a familiar warmth, something that he had felt for Evan for a really long time. He didn't pay attention to all the flowers, all the cheesy decorations, or their friends sitting and watching them become joined as one. All that mattered was Evan, the beautiful person standing in front of him, reaching out for his hands. Delirious took them without question, and the warmth spread through him.

Vanoss grinned, "Hi."

A small giggle escaped Jonathan's lips, and that giggle turned into a sob almost immediately. He swore he wouldn't cry, he made that promise to himself, and here he was, the ceremony hadn't even started yet and he was trying to hold in tears to the best of his ability. Vanoss gave his hand a small squeeze to help calm his soon to be husband, and that seemed to work for now, until the officiator began. "Dearly beloved, here before us stand two individuals that have overcome everything that was working against them. And they stand tall, they stand proud, and they stand together, ready to be bound forever in holy matrimony." It was a pretty simple ceremony. Vows, rings, lots and lots of crying, and then finally, the deal sealed with a kiss. They were married, they were husbands, and Jonathan didn't know what to say.

"I love you." Evan whispered against his lips.

"I know." Jonathan replied, grinning.

There hadn't been many guests at the wedding, just their main friends and a few others, so the reception was held at their house which wasn't too far away. Everything was exactly how they had wanted it to be. Simple, small, and they were glad they were finally together. Dinner was served, as well as many desserts. They celebrated with beers, toasting to the future, whatever it may bring. And believe it or not, they actually all danced together. As soon as Delirious was out and about, his friends had swarmed in a hug, because this was the first time they had seen him since the accident. And since his dreams had allowed him to recollect his memory, he knew who each and every one of them were, plus the memories he made with them.

"You look great man." Mini had said as he pulled out of the hug.

"Thanks." Jonathan smiled, "And thank you guys for coming, it means a lot."

"It is a little weird." Nogla admitted, "Seeing your two best friends get married." He laughed.

"Pfft, no it's not, what the fuck are you talking about?" Tyler had managed.

"It's weird!" Nogla repeated.

"You're weird." Lui gave him a pointed look. "You're two best friends just got married, you could be a little supportive, god." He scoffed playfully.

The tall man rolled his eyes, "You know that's not what the fuck I meant!"

"You're a dick Nogla." Marcel punched him in the arm lightly.

"Alright, alright." Jonathan stopped them. "Quit being mean to Nogla."

That's when Evan approached with another round of beers, wrapping his arm around his newlywed husband's waist. He gave him a small kiss on the cheek before asking him if he was alright. "You're not overwhelmed or anything?" He inquired, making sure seeing everyone at once wasn't too much for the older man. Delirious merely shook his head with a small smile. Evan was always looking out for him, no matter what. "Good." He replied, taking a drink of his beer.

Brock clinked his beer bottle with a spoon, "Kiss kiss kiss!" He chanted before the others joined in with laugher. Delirious had no problem with obliging to that. He grabbed Evan's face, and kissed him hard, knowing that this was his life now, and he was ready to take on forever with the younger man.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Alright, so I know when I started this fanfic I said it was going to be as long as Sparks Will Fly, but obviously there's only so much you can do with a recylcled plot. So, I figured 20 chapters was enough, plus I started to lose interest in this story. But now that it's finished, I can focus on other ones like my Terrornuckel. Next week is finals week at my college, and I get a month break from school after that, so expect more writing from me. I'm going to try and get back on track soon. And if you want, feel free to send me some requests on here or on tumblr at heidipoo-xox. You guys really have been great and I thank you for all the support. Until next time, stay fabulous!**


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